What is Going on Here?
by DaniZaraki
Summary: A collage of words. Prizes, oneshots and plus-shots of Naruto antics and whatever I want. Purely random. Rated for potential violence and mainly Hidan's swearing. Some chapters have OC's, others do not. It all depends on my mood.
1. Chapter 1

_I'm sure you're all curious about what the heck this... "story" is?_

_Well it's a little thing I like to call a collage of words. It's a series of oneshots maybe twoshots of whatever the heck I want._

_... Dealing with Naruto of course. I will also be putting the prizes and stuff that I give you guys._

_This particular one is for _Said the Tiger to the Wolf _she wanted some good old KakuHida fluff and gave her... what I could._

_This took about ten minutes to do on the fly. Please excuse any typos and whatnot. And _Said the Tiger to the Wolf_, I sincerely hope you enjoy.  
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_I do not own Naruto._

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><p>Hidan yawned loudly as he entered the kitchen. After a long night of sleep, the Jashinist just wanted something to eat. So, with food on his mind, he attacked the fridge, begging Jashin-sama that Zetsu didn't raid the kitchen before he left.<p>

The zealot huffed angrily when he found the fridge was indeed empty. Swearing under his breath, he slammed the door to the forsaken machine and turned around to scour the cabinets.

"Hello handsome. Looking for something?" A deep, familiar voice asked.

Hidan sighed and looked in the direction of his partner. "I'm hungry as fuck. And why in the hell did you just call me handsome?"

Kakuzu smirked, the stitches on his face lifting slightly. Hidan shoved away the content fluttering in his chest at Kakuzu's sexy smirk. Wait… sexy? "Well… I happened to have saved you some steak. And I called you handsome because you certainly are, especially without a shirt on." He pulled a perfectly cooked steak from his cloak and showed it to Hidan.

Hidan eyed it hungrily, completely looking over the fact that the delectable piece of meat was just in Kakuzu's cloak. As well as Kakuzu's last statement. "Give me it."

"Oh I'll give it to you." Kakuzu stated. "However… what am I going to eat if I give this too you?"

"Don't fucking no, don't fucking care." Hidan stated, mouth watering. He lunged for the steak but Kakuzu foresaw his move. He maneuvered the food out of Hidan's grasp and caught the silver haired Jashinist before he hit the ground.

Kakuzu skillfully flopped the steak on the table before adjusting Hidan in his arms. Once Hidan was positioned bride-like in his grasp, Kakuzu looked into his magenta eyes with his deep Christmas colored orbs.

"Now Hidan… as payment for giving you the only steak in the kitchen…" Kakuzu began. His eyes ran over Hidan's person, taking in every detail and lingering on the visible parts.

"I don't have any fucking money." Hidan snapped feeling a little subconscious under Kakuzu's hungry scrutiny. The way Kakuzu was holding him didn't help the situation. Hidan felt embarrassed, subconscious, and warm. As well as a strange feeling of excited contentment that he couldn't quite place.

Kakuzu chuckled. "I don't want money Hidan. I want you."

"I-I beg your fucking pardon?" Hidan spluttered. "W-what did you just say to me?"

"You heard me." Kakuzu purred, his voice dropping to a deep, husky tone. "I want you Hidan. I want your body. I will eat you instead of that steak."

Hidan would be lying if he said he wasn't both flattered and shocked. Kakuzu saying something like that was completely out of character. Yet, he couldn't hide the victorious, almost deliriously happy feeling that erupted in his chest and warmed his entire body from that little statement. From the top of his head to the tips of his toes, Hidan felt… exhilaration.

Hidan looked around at his potential meal and his mouth watered again. He glanced at Kakuzu before sighing. "Fine. Bastard. But only because I love you." His eyes went wide suddenly and he slapped his hands over his mouth.

"I love you too, Hidan." Kakuzu said with a chuckle. He tilted his head forward and captured Hidan's lips with his own. Hidan froze in shock but quickly responded, drawn into the gesture.

The kiss only grew more passionate and lengthy until a god-awful grumble brought them back to reality. Hidan blushed with embarrassment as he realized that grumble was his own stomach. He scratched the back of his head sheepishly.

"Sorry about that…" He sighed.

Kakuzu kissed his forehead. "I think it's cute. Especially so when you're blushing."

Hidan's face only grew redder. "Shut it, Kakuzu."

Kakuzu set him down. "Here love. Sit down and I'll feed you."

"Jashin I love you, Kakuzu!" Hidan cheered, darting to the table. He sat eagerly, waiting for Kakuzu to feed him. When Kakuzu sat across from him, he pecked Kakuzu's cheek before beaming happily. "I have the best, sexiest partner ever!"

Kakuzu separated a bite-sized piece of steak from the bulk of the meat before slowly lifting it to Hidan's mouth. "Hidan…"

"Kakuzu?" Hidan wondered, staring at his partner adoringly before looking at his food.

"…Hidan." Kakuzu stated again. His voice seemed different. Almost angry.

"Kakuzu?" Hidan questioned, frowning a bit.

The Kakuzu before him dropped the steak and punched him. "HIDAN!"

Hidan collided with the floor and looked around in shock before he realized he had been asleep on a chair at the kitchen table and he was now on the floor. Kakuzu stood over him, looking utterly irritated in all of his ninja gear.

"What the fuck?" Hidan questioned, looking around.

"Wake up you moron." Kakuzu snarled. "Falling asleep in the kitchen…" He growled before looking at his partner. "Your snoring could wake the dead."

A snicker caught Hidan's attention and he glared in its direction until he noticed it was Deidara. "What are you laughing about, Dei-chan?"

"You're such an asshole, Kakuzu, un!" Deidara laughed. "That was great, yeah!"

Hidan glared at Deidara. "He's my asshole!" Then he stopped himself, slapped himself in the face and shook his head. "Why the fuck did I just say that."

Kakuzu looked disturbed. "What kind of dream were you having?"

"Don't fucking ask." Hidan sighed. He frowned when a tan hand appeared in his line of sight. Kakuzu was offering him a hand to help him up. With a shrug, he accepted the assistance and allowed Kakuzu to pull him to his feet.

"Let's go, Hidan. We have to head out and capture the two tails." Kakuzu grunted.

"Right." Hidan sighed. "I'll go get my shit."

Kakuzu nodded. "Good boy."

"Fuck you, Kuzu." Hidan snapped.

Kakuzu gave him a look. "Moron."

"But I'm your moron." Hidan grinned at him and Kakuzu just rolled his eyes, muttering under his breath. He paused when a horrible growling erupted from Hidan. With a raised eyebrow he looked at his partner.

Hidan frowned. "I'm still fucking hungry!"

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><p><em>Yeah... it's not that good because I did it in like ten minutes. And it was all on the fly too. No previous thought was put into this. Lol.<em>

_I hate steak. Anyways... Look forward to other oneshots/~shots. Some might have OC's in them, some might not. I will put a brief warning at the top for those of you who don't want anything to do with like fluff or OC's. Some might have my OC's some might have your own. It all depends. There will be _**no**_ rated X things in this collage. All of those have their own special place._

_Any questions or ideas can be placed as reviews or you can PM me or email me or whatever. I'm also on DA. The link is on my profile I believe. And if not, I'm under the same penname.  
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Said the Tiger to the Wolf_, I apologize if it's bad. I've never done KakuHida fluff before so it's new to me. But you're going to have to live with this because I'm semi-proud of it._

_And so my lovelies, I bid thee farewell.  
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	2. Chapter 2

_This chapter contains four OC's of my own and it is kind of a "what if/bonus chapter" Feel free to read it or ignore it.  
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_So please enjoy the antics. I actually had some fun writing this at 5 in the morning. :)_

_Hello sleep deprivation for no reason!_

_I do not own Naruto._

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><p>I yawned sleepily as I temporarily woke early that morning due to some unknown reason. The sexy man beside me shifted as well and arms tightened around me so I turned slightly in his embrace and snuggled closer to him, all intentions of going to sleep.<p>

That's when I heard it.

"ALICE!"

I shot straight up, looking around in confusion. I knew that voice. I'd know it anywhere. I stared at the door in shock as thundering footsteps were heard just seconds before my bedroom door went flying to the other side of the room.

And guess who stepped inside.

Fucking Louis.

My eyes widened. "Oh my Jashin."

"Damn right you bitch." Louis grinned, his craziness evident in every single pore in his face. "I'm here to fuck shit up, starting with the fucker sleeping with you."

I looked at Itachi who had finally lifted his head off the pillow to glare at the intruders. He was tired. And if there is something you don't do, it's mess with Itachi when he's tired.

Itachi took one look at Louis, then at me, then at the door before sighing and getting out of bed. He walked over to the door, picked it up, and then fucking launched it at Louis.

"Itachi!" I gawked.

Itachi stared at the doorway. "I am tired. I am not ready to be awake yet. Do _not_ make me kill someone."

I looked between him and the doorway before smirking. "I'd rape you right now if you weren't tired."

"Wise decision." He growled. "I'd rather not have to tie you up so I can sleep."

"Hey!" Louis barked, obviously unaffected by the door he managed to dodge. "Only I can bind Alice!"

I smacked my forehead. "Who let you in here?"

Kathryn's head appeared in the doorway. "Hi!"

"Of course she did." I sighed and got up. "Let's go elsewhere before Itachi decides to repeat the Uchiha Massacre on us."

Said Uchiha grunted in approval before grabbing my chin, kissing me, and then returning to bed. I smiled at him before leaving the bedroom. There was another door Kakuzu was going to have to fix. Just what I need… a pissy Kakuzu.

"So where's Br-." I began, only to be tackled by an extremely familiar tall, skinny boy with way too much estrogen in his system and a severely lacking level of testosterone.

"Brett!" I cheered, elated by his appearance. I hugged him as he pinned me to the hideout floor and smothered his face with kisses just like he was doing to me. "I missed you!"

"Alice!" Brett cried. "I love you! I love you! I love you! I missed you so much! I'm never letting you go again!" He squeezed me tighter, being all Bretty and sweet.

Jashin I missed that sweetness that can never be matched. Not even Kisame could be as sweet as Brett can. Not to mention, Brett is the most adorable thing I have ever seen.

"What? I don't get a cheerful hello?" Louis demanded.

I glared at him. "You kicked down my door and threatened my boyfriend."

Louis huffed and looked away. "I was caught in the moment."

"I know you where. That is why I want you to join this floor rape right now." I stated. I gave him a mischievous smirk which he returned with all his craziness.

He grinned. "With pleasure!" He pounced on Brett and I. They showered me with love and affection that I had missed for Jashin knows how long.

Jashin… I missed them so much.

After almost an hour of potential rape and high pitched, muffled squealing of excitement at our reunion, Kathryn, Louis, Brett, and I were finally done with our greetings.

I sat up against the wall outside of my bedroom and smiled at them. "How did you guys get here?"

"Not a fucking clue." Brett admitted, snuggling up against me. Louis was sitting between me and Kathryn, his arms around both of us.

"I remember opening one of the kitchen cabinets and one of your pill bottles hit me in the head. For some reason, it knocked me out. Then I woke up in some room with Brett." Louis explained.

"It must have been my horse pills." I stated. I had pills for my back pain that were like the size of a quarter all the way around and the pill bottle was big enough to be a water bottle.

"I think it was." Louis chuckled. He then continued with his story. "We left the room we woke up in and wandered a bit until we met Sasori."

Brett grinned. "He's adorable."

"I know right?" Kathryn demanded. "Danna is so cute!"

"Anyways," Louis continued, ignoring the fact that they interrupted him. "He took one look at us before shoving us into a room connected to his. That's where we found Kat and her exceedingly sexy boyfriend Deidara."

Brett drooled. "He lacked a shirt."

"And Kathryn lacks pants." Louis pointed out, flashing her a perverted smile.

Kathryn rolled her eyes. "So these two wake me up and I flipped a shit, successfully scaring Danna and Dei. Then I showed Lulu where your bedroom was because they both demanded you."

I sighed and kissed their cheeks. "I missed you two."

"We missed you too, baby!" Brett cried, squeezing me with all of his love and affection. Suddenly, he released me and looked at us with a very serious expression. "There is one thing I want to do more than anything else right now though."

I raised my eyebrow. "And what is that?"

"I want to meet Tobi." Brett stated.

"Oh no." I whimpered.

"This way!" Kathryn stated, leaping to her feet. Brett shot after her in the next second.

I shook my head. "And I just cleaned last night…"

Louis snickered and stood, offering a hand to help me up. When I accepted it, he pulled me into a hug. "I'll help out. Come on."

I smiled at him and we walked through the base to find Kathryn and Brett before they killed everything with their antics. However, we passed by the kitchen and that allowed Louis to look at me properly with lighting.

He had not noticed my new scars and shit yet.

And now that he had… I regret coming out here with him.

"WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY BITCH? ALL OF YOU FUCKING FUCKERS BETTER GET YOUR FUCKING ASSES THE FUCK OUT HERE BEFORE I DETACH YOUR PENISES AND SHOVE THEM DOWN YOU FUCKING THROATS BEFORE RIPPING YOUR ARMS OFF AND SHOVING THEM UP YOUR ASS!" Louis shouted with viciousness that made me and Hidan shake.

In seconds we were both surrounded by five ninja. Konan, Pein, and Zetsu were not going to respond to that death threat that quickly. However, they did come over to us at a more reasonable rate. Itachi had gotten up as well which I wasn't expecting and currently Tobi was occupied with Brett and Kathryn but they skipped over together a few minutes later.

"Oh shit, what is he doing here?" Hidan questioned.

Louis was breathing like a rabid dog as he glared at everyone in the vicinity. "What happened to Alice? She is covered in scars."

I coughed. "Uh Louis…"

"What?" He demanded, wheeling around to face me.

"None of the Akatsuki did this to me." I stated. "In fact, if it wasn't for them, I'd probably be dead." I saw fury flash through his eyes so I continued. "You can blame Konoha, Sasuke, and Orochimaru for the scars."

Louis stared at me. "You. Sexy Jashinist, give me your scythe." He didn't even look at Hidan as he addressed him.

Hidan raised his eyebrow. "What?"

"I have a fucking village to destroy as well as a snake bastard and his rape victim." Louis growled.

Sasori raised his hand. "I have a question."

"Yes?" I asked, looking at him.

He pointed at Kathryn, Brett, Tobi. "Who in the _fuck_ let the three of them be in the same vicinity together?"

On cue, everyone save those three shuddered.

"Uh… Quick, Deidara, Louis, take your pants off!" I ordered.

"Why?" They questioned.

I sighed. "Just do it!"

They both did as asked and instantly Kathryn was tackling Deidara, away from Tobi and Brett. Brett was drooling over Louis, his hands reaching for him hungrily and Tobi was throwing a fit about his half naked senpai and was running around covering his eye-hole.

Pein looked at me once they were separated. "Good call, Alice."

"It's a gift." I shrugged.

Louis immediately went into psycho mode again. "Anyways, back to the issue at hand. I'm going to kill everyone so I'll see you later. I'll make sure to get the nine-tails for you too." He then ripped my sword away from me and began walking away from us.

All of us stared after him except for Kathryn who was still raping Deidara.

"Uh…" I began.

"Should we stop him?" Kisame wondered.

Kakuzu frowned. "I wonder if it's worth it."

"It's not." Brett and I said together.

"Then no." Zetsu decided.

Hidan raised his eyebrow. "Can I go?"

"Sure." I shrugged. "Let's all go. Make it an adventure party."

"Adventure party?" Kathryn demanded, jumping to her feet. "I wanna play!"

"Tobi wants to play too!" Tobi cheered. And then Brett joined in and they hopped after Louis together, holding hands.

I stared after them. "Fuck my life." I sighed and began walking after them.

Pein raised his eyebrow. "What is going on here?"

"Don't ask." Sasori deadpanned, following after us with the desire to protect Kathryn. Deidara went with him, pulling his pants up with a slightly perverted smile.

Itachi yawned. "I will use this as a chance to let loose my anger at being woken up."

Kisame snickered and he and Itachi hurried after us.

Hidan shrugged and began trailing in our direction. He quickly caught up with Louis and the pair of them began discussing vicious ways to murder people.

"Should we go?" Konan wondered.

"I will probably get a few bounties out of this…" Kakuzu mumbled, heading towards the exit that we making our way to.

Zetsu sighed. "**Might as well…**"

"Come along, Konan. Let's go make sure none of them die." Pein sighed.

She just giggled. "This is so nice."

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><p><em>Lolll. I love Konan.<br>_

_So, another oneshot just for funzies. I hope you like/liked. The next chapter will probably be a oneshot for ZetsusNeko. I'm working on all the gifts I owe. Once those are done, I'll be up to throwing in shit of my own. So be prepared for that nonsense._

_I do not take requests and I probably won't, but it all depends on my mood/time schedule. However, feel free to leave suggestions and what not._

_When I say I don't take requests, I mean OCXCannon requests. Also, I'm not writing yaoi and I probably won't write anymore sexual things because in all honestly they annoy me. If you want porn, go look it up and rape your computer with viruses and the like. So..._

_I bid thee farewell and a good day._


	3. Chapter 3

_Three OCs in this chapter._

_This was a present for _ZetsusNeko.

_She wanted her OC Neko to have a little fun with Zetsu (Her name should have given that away)_

_But she also wanted my own OCs Alice and Kathryn in the mix. So, I did what I could._

_Romance really isn't my thing like humor is. So I attempted. I hope you like it dear._

_She made me a very pretty picture of Alice and Itachi and Kisame. :) It's on DA._

_Enjoy love._

_I do not own Naruto or Neko._

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><p>I stretched and yawned a bit as I followed Zetsu outside to his garden. He said he had something to show Kathryn and I so we went along with him. The first thing that popped into my mind was that he was going to eat us, but the second I thought that, he shot it down by saying he wasn't and giving me a look.<p>

Kathryn skipped behind me without a care in the world. She was poking Kakuzu who was beside me for some unknown reason. Said miser was just ignoring the hell out of her. He has to deal with Hidan his entire life. He can handle Kathryn's idiocy.

"So, Zetsu, what did you want to show us?" I wondered.

Zetsu glanced back at me. "You'll see. **Just hold on a damn minute, impatient. You sound like Sasori.** That's the first time she's asked. **I don't care. Kathryn has asked seven times.** Well don't snap at Alice for it. **Shut up.**"

I just rolled my eyes at his antics. I glanced around and glared at Kathryn. "Kathryn, enough of your nonsense. Leave Kakuzu alone."

She froze, mid poke, to pout. "But I just wanted to poke him."

"Leave him alone, Kathryn." I repeated, giving her a glare. "He has to deal with enough shit as it is with Hidan."

"Sorry Kuzu." Kathryn apologized.

Kakuzu chuckled. "It's fine." He sighed as a shout caught his attention. "Speaking of Hidan… The idiot is yelling for me." He turned around to face the base just as Hidan marched out of it, glaring his head off. "Go on ahead. I'll catch up when I'm done dealing with him."

"**Fair enough.**" Zetsu stated. "Come on you two."

I shrugged and followed after Zetsu, grabbing Kathryn's shirt and dragging her along. She giggled and skipped forward to latch onto said plant man. He just glared at her.

A few minutes of Black Zetsu swearing at Kathryn and insulting her, on top of White Zetsu trying to calm him down, we made it to Zetsu's garden. Kathryn detached herself at my command and came to stand by me as Zetsu told us to wait.

A moment later, he returned with a girl.

Wait a minute.

What?

I blinked a few times and looked again. Zetsu was walking towards us with what I could only describe as a very cute little girl. If I had to guess, she was a little younger than Kathryn and I, but she was adorable.

She was shorter than me and almost as skinny as Kathryn. She had hair like Sasuke, just blonde and uneven, longer on left side than right. She lacked shoes and wore a short green tank-top that stopped below her ribs and black ninja pants. However, that wasn't the feature I noticed the most.

She had… cat ears and a cat tail.

On cue, I sneezed.

"Jashin bless you." Kathryn said with a smile. She hopped over to the girl and inspected her before scooping her up in a hug. "Awe! She's so freaking cute!" She set the girl down and bounced around. "Hi! I'm Kathryn! It's so nice to meet you! You're adorable. Do you want to be friends?"

Zetsu and I exchanged a look.

"So, Zetsu, is this your girlfriend?" Kathryn asked, elbowing him and raising her eyebrow suggestively. Zetsu just flicked her in the forehead.

"**Shut up, Kathryn.**" He stated. He placed his hand on the girl's head. "This is Neko. She is a very good friend of mine. **Be mean to her and I'll eat the shit out of you.**"

I sneezed again. "She a ninja?"

"Yes." Neko informed me.

I nodded. "Not to be rude, but what's with the cat ears and tail?"

"I'm half cat." She smiled. Is that mischief I sensed in her smile?

"That explains the sneezing." I stated. "I'm allergic to cats." I shrugged indifferently after scratching my nose to hell and back. "Ah well. It's nice to meet you Neko." I looked at Zetsu and smirked. "Is this the cute little kid that you talk about all the time?"

Zetsu looked away from me. "Yes. **So what if she is?**"

I smirked. "Nothing. I think it's sweet." I ignored Kathryn's squeal and addressed Neko again. "So, I'm Alice. As you know, that idiot is Kathryn. Excuse her exuberant nature. She's not always so hyped up. She had sugar this morning."

Neko giggled. "It's fine." She smiled at Kathryn. "It's nice to meet both of you too. Zetsu's mentioned you a few times."

"Neko?" A deep voice asked. I looked around to see Kakuzu walking over to us.

Neko beamed. "Hi Kakuzu!" Kakuzu patted her head when she darted over to him to hug him. "I haven't seen you in a while."

Kakuzu nodded. "It has been a while. How are you, kid?"

"I'm good." She smiled.

I raised my eyebrow. "Uh?"

"Neko comes from my village." Kakuzu explained, noticing my confused expression.

"Kakuzu is like an older brother to me." Neko added.

"She's cute." Kathryn stage whispered. "I want to keep her."

I smacked my forehead. "You're an idiot."

"Don't be mean!" She protested.

Neko giggled. "It's alright." She smiled at Kathryn. "I'm usually out here in Zetsu's garden or with him when he's outside of the base. You can come out here to see me whenever you want."

I coughed. "Now we know what Zetsu does whenever we're not around." I turned away. "Getting cuddly with a little kitty." I winked at Zetsu. "Get some, buddy."

"**I'll eat you.** Alice!" Zetsu scolded.

I laughed. "Keep it in your pants!" I called. "I'm going to the village with Itachi."

**Third Person!**

Neko smiled after Alice as she walked towards the base. She was joined by Itachi a moment later. Neko giggled and looked around at Zetsu. "I like her."

"Yes, Alice is very amusing. **She's a little brat.**" Zetsu agreed.

"We agreed to keep her." Kakuzu shrugged. "And she has her uses."

Kathryn smiled. "Neko, you should come and hang out with us sometimes. We'd love to get to know you better and we need more females. The male to female ratio is redonk in that base. Besides, you seem like fun!"

"I'd love to." Neko shrugged.

Kathryn grinned and grabbed her hand. "You two boys talk about man stuff for a minute. I want to talk to the kitty." Zetsu and Kakuzu looked utterly confused as Kathryn dragged Neko away. She peeked around a tree to make sure Zetsu and Kakuzu weren't there before addressing the cat-woman…girl.

"Uh…" Neko began.

"So, are you and Zetsu a 'thing'?" Kathryn wondered. "Because if you're not, it's my goal to make you a thing."

Neko smiled slightly. "Why?"

"You're both cute. That's why." Kathryn explained. "Zetsu likes you. I can see it in his eyes. And you like him. Don't deny it. You both have the hots for each other. And I think it would be exceedingly adorable if you became his girlfriend. He needs love."

"How do you plan to do that?" Neko wondered. She felt her usual desire for mischief become slightly darker and more pronounced. She grinned. "What do you propose we do?"

"That's more like it!" Kathryn praised. "First off, you need to flirt with him. You already look adorable so there's no need to spice you up."

Neko nodded. "Alright."

"Compliment him and hit on him and stuff." Kathryn continued. "Show him you're not afraid to make the first move. I know Zetsu. He'd like that. However, don't put on too much. You have to try and play hard to get at least a little bit. Boys like a little bit of a challenge."

"I'll give it a shot." Neko smirked.

"Good girl." Kathryn smiled. "It shouldn't be hard considering how much he already likes you. He's already fallen and he fell very hard." She grabbed Neko's wrist and pulled her over to Zetsu. "Good luck." She whispered. Then louder, she beamed at the two men. "I'm gonna go find Dei!"

Kakuzu grunted his understanding. "Hidan and I have a bounty to find." He patted Neko's head and bid her and Zetsu farewell before following after Kathryn. Kathryn skipped away ahead of him, shouting for Deidara.

"Weirdoes. **Idiots.**" Zetsu sighed with a shake of his head.

"I like them." Neko smiled.

Zetsu looked down at her and shrugged. "They're nice company. **I think they're annoying. **No you do not. Don't be mean.** Shut up.** You're hopeless."

Neko giggled at Zetsu's arguing and went to walk towards him when she oh so conveniently tripped over a root. Zetsu moved with surprising speed and caught her carefully. They both looked at each other, sharing a moment a slight spark as they gazed into each others eyes.

"Thanks Zetsu." Neko said breathlessly, looking up at him.

"No problem." His white side said quietly. He helped her stand up properly, allowing his hands to linger on her for a bit longer than necessary. Neko noticed but she found she didn't mind, not in the slightest. In fact, she was more disappointed when he removed his hands from her.

She elbowed him gently after a small moment of silence. "So, you haven't come out here to see me in a few days. Where have you been? I missed your adorableness."

Zetsu coughed quietly and looked away from her, thanking his coloration for hiding any blush. "I had things to do for Leader."

"He works you too much." Neko continued. She suppressed a smile at his embarrassed and shy mannerisms.

"**We don't mind.**" Zetsu stated. He jumped slightly when Neko wrapped her tail around his hand. He saw her smiling at him and he couldn't help but smile back.

"Oi! Fucking Zetsu!" Hidan shouted from the base. "Our shitty Leader wants you! Get your ass in here!"

Zetsu swore quietly under his breath at Hidan and looked at Neko. He opened his mouth to tell her bye when she suddenly kissed his cheek.

"Bye Zetsu. I'll see your handsome face later." Neko said almost seductively. Zetsu froze with his mouth agape as she winked at him and slinked off into the woods like the agile cat she looked like.

Kathryn and Alice snickered just beyond the tree line and high fived before giving Neko a well deserved pat on the back at her skillful actions. Itachi and Deidara, who stood behind their girlfriends, exchanged a look and rolled their eyes.

"Well done, Neko." Kathryn grinned. "You should be a professional."

Neko shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a natural."

"I couldn't have done it better myself." Alice smirked. "Zetsu's face was priceless. I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't mug you with affection the next time he comes out here."

"I wouldn't mind." Neko admitted.

"I doubt he would either, really." Kathryn giggled.

Alice nudged Neko with her shoulder. "I'll talk him into planning a nice little date with you or something. That way, you guys can have some time together without interruptions. I'll talk to Pein too."

Neko smiled. "That would be nice."

"Consider it done." Alice and Kathryn said in unison.

"Alice. You and I must go to the village now." Itachi said smoothly, wrapping an arm around Alice's waist to gain her attention.

"Danna wants us, un." Deidara added, kissing Kathryn's cheek. Kathryn bid Neko a farewell complete with a hug and a few pointers on how to make Zetsu blush.

Alice nodded at Itachi. "Alright." She smiled at Neko. "Good luck with wooing Zetsu." Itachi grabbed her hand and pulled Alice away.

Neko smiled after them and hugged herself, thinking about Zetsu's shy behavior. She made to walk away just as she heard Alice sneeze.

Alice swore. "Fucking allergies!"

She laughed and scampered away, thinking about all of the things she could do to make Zetsu hers.

* * *

><p><em>Because it's a oneshot, I couldn't really build too much on Neko without it being like SUPER long. And I don't have the patience for long things today. (That's what she said)<em>

_So, ZetsusNeko, I hope you can at least attempt to enjoy. I tried to convey your character how you described her in such a short little thing. Not to mention I typed it in less than 20 minutes. I'd say under 15 too. :)  
><em>

_Next will__ be for _Tori-da-Mutt _who wrote a beautiful oneshot for me with Alice and Kathryn. I seriously love it. It's wonderful! Go and read it.  
><em>

_Well, toodles._


	4. Chapter 4

_A oneshot for _Tori-da-Mutt_. She wanted a oneshot of Kathryn and Deidara._

_Two OC alert. Alice and Kathryn.  
><em>

_I hope you like it dear._

_I made it as gooey as I could. :)_

_I do not own Naruto. The only things I own out of this are the idea, Alice, and Kathryn._

* * *

><p><strong>First Person Kathryn!<strong>

A particularly loud snore roused me from my wonderful dream of cupcakes, rainbows, unicorns, and Dei. I sniffed sleepily and rolled over in search of warmth only to find powerful muscular arms wrapping around my waist.

A gentle kiss was placed sweetly on my cheek just as feathery blond locks tickled my face. I giggled tiredly and snuggled into the perfect chest of the man I love.

"Morning baby, un." Deidara grunted. His voice was thick with sleep.

I couldn't help but smile as I cuddled into him. "Morning Deidei." I pecked his collarbone before trailing a line of butterfly kisses up to the mouth on his face. "I love you."

He gave me the lazy, sideways grin he always wore. "I love you too, hmm." He nuzzled my face. "You're so beautiful yeah."

"Thank you." I beamed. "You're so sweet. And sexy." I kissed his nose before rubbing mine against it in an Eskimo kiss. "I dun wanna get up yet. I just wanna lay here forever with you." I pressed my forehead to his and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Sound good?"

"Sounds great." He agreed, tightening his grip around my waist. He buried his face into the crook of my neck, kissing me gently. "I love you so much, un,"

I melted into his cuteness and snuggled closer.

A loud crack sounded from somewhere in the base, gaining both of our attention. We both looked at the door in confusion.

"What's going on?" I wondered.

Deidara shook his head. He reached into his pouch which was on the table beside the bed and allowed his hands to eat some clay. "I don't know."

The door connecting our room to Danna's opened and said redhead stuck his head inside. "Alice is in one of her moods. She tried to kill Hidan just now. I suggest the two of you keep the rowdiness to a minimum."

I sat up. "What's wrong with her, Danna?"

"Not a clue brat." He sighed. "I'm not going to be the one to ask her."

I frowned. "I'll go."

Deidara grabbed my hand. "Let me change then I'll go with you, yeah."

"Alice won't hurt me Dei. Even if she is in one of her moods." I giggled.

"I know that." Deidara stated. "But I want to be with you anyways, un."

I squealed about his cuteness, burying my face into the pillow. He chuckled, kissed my cheek. I grabbed both of his hands before he could walk away and kissed both hand-mouths before kissing his facemouth (like I do every night before bed). He smirked at me and then went to the bathroom. I grinned after him before hopping over to where Danna was standing.

"Good morning Danna." I smiled, kissing him on the cheek.

"Morning." He stated. He permitted me to hug him and he returned the gesture as much as he could while still keeping his stoic and emotionless pride. I giggled at him before skipping to the bedroom door to wait for Deidara.

He joined me after another moment. He took my hand in his, smirking at my giggle when his hand mouth licked me.

Together we walked out of our bedroom and to the kitchen where Deidara said Itachi's chakra was coming from. Alice was sitting at the table with her head on the wooden slab. Itachi sat beside her with his eyes closed and his arms crossed.

Hidan sat in his usual seat while Kakuzu stitched his arm back on. Alice's bloodied sword was in the wall near the door.

"Uh…" I began.

Alice looked up and narrowed her eyes at me. "What?"

"Are you alright?" I asked.

"Peachy." She retorted.

Hidan swore quietly under his breath.

"What's wrong?" I wondered.

"Nothing." Alice said simply, sitting up. "He just pissed me off."

"What did he do?" I questioned.

She sighed. "Does it matter?"

"Yes it does." I pressed.

Alice crossed her arms. "He second based me because I didn't quote: 'already have breakfast made'." She glared at Hidan. "So, I sliced his arm off and Itachi snapped both of his legs in four different places."

Itachi's eyes flicked to Hidan. "I have told him more than once to keep his hands off of what is mine."

"So you stopped after only breaking his legs?" Deidara asked. "If he did that to Kathryn I'd have blown him up, un." I grinned at him so he kissed my cheek.

Itachi looked away. "Leader-sama ordered that I leave him alone."

"Pein-sama got involved?" I asked with a laugh.

"That's what the big crack was." Alice stated. "Pein separated Itachi from Hidan cracking Hidan in the head with a door. He then ordered Itachi to back off because he wasn't in the mood for Hidan's bitching." She snickered. "It was so funny."

"So you're not in a murderous mood?" I wondered.

She shook her head. "No. Who told you that?"

"Danna(un)." Deidara and I said in unison.

"Fucking asshole." Alice sighed. "What have I told you about listening to Sasori when it comes to me?"

I coughed guiltily. "Not to do it…"

"And what did you just do?" She questioned.

"Listened to Danna when it came to you." I pouted.

"Exactly." Alice said with a roll of her eyes.

I looked down. "Sorry Momma."

She waved at me dismissively. "Whatever. I'm utterly amused because Pein said bitching and broke a door over Hidan's head." She then burst into snickers, prompting a loving smile from Itachi.

"Where's Kisame?" I asked after a minute of my own giggling.

"Living room with Zetsu." Alice yawned.

I grinned. "Come on Dei. I wanna annoy people."

"Sounds like fun, un." Deidara grinned. He allowed me to pull him to the living room. Once we reached it, I released him to leap on top of Kisame. Said shark just chuckled when I landed on him.

"Morning Kathryn." Kisame grinned.

"Morning Kisame~!" I cheered. I hugged his neck before getting off of him to glomp Zetsu. "Morning Zetsu my dear~!"

Zetsu sighed. "Good morning Kathryn. **Get off me you weirdo.**"

Deidara glared. "Don't be mean Zetsu, yeah."

"**Then keep your woman off of me.** Oh be nice.** Shut up!**" Zetsu argued.

Deidara grabbed me and pulled me into a hug, stroking my hair. "Just ignore him babe. He doesn't know true beauty when he sees it, un."

"Are we talking about me?" Danna asked as he walked into the room.

"Of course Danna!" I exclaimed, squeezing the life out of Deidara. I kissed the hell out of his face because of how sweet and cute he was being. And it was only morning!

"Get out of here with your sarcasm, Danna, un." Deidara grumbled.

Danna patted Deidara's head as he passed. He wore an expression of mock sadness. "Poor Brat. His Danna makes him look like an idiot and there's nothing he can do about it."

I kicked Danna's butt as he walked by. "Danna! Don't be mean to Deidara."

"Kick me again, and I'll kick you back." He threatened.

I stuck my tongue out at him. I waited until he sat before kicking his shin and sprinting from the room.

"Damn it brat!" Danna snapped. He gave chase, running after me.

"Dei! Help!" I yelped. "Help me!" I kept running until I hit the back entrance that led to one of the training grounds. I kept running, hoping to Pein-sama and Jashin-sama that Danna wouldn't be close behind.

"Get back here!" Danna shouted. I looked over my shoulder to see him shoot from the back door, running after me.

"No!" I screamed. "HELP!" I yelped as suddenly I was scooped up by a strong arm. I covered my eyes as I was pulled away from the ground.

"I got you, un." Deidara whispered.

I opened my eyes and looked around. I was on a large white owl, flying high in the sky, safely out of Danna's reach. "Yay! Owls!" I tackled Deidara on the giant bird of explosive awesomeness. "I love you!"

"I love you too, un." Deidara chuckled, kissing me back. He looked over the edge of the bird. "Take that, Danna un!"

I waved. "Bye Danna! See you later!"

"Damn it brats! Get down here this instant!" Danna shouted. But we were too far.

Deidara nuzzled my face. "How about an early morning fly? It's not going to rain today so we won't have to worry about the weather, un."

"It sounds nice." I smiled. I sat up and situated myself so I was sitting in Dei's lap. He sat behind me, his arms wrapped around my waist and his head on my shoulder as we soared through the sky on his art.

I closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of flying. I really and truly felt free up here. And since I was with Deidara, I couldn't feel happier. I hugged myself and leaned back into his chest. "Dei?" I whispered.

"Hmm?" He questioned, he had his nose in my hair. I felt him press his cheek against mine a second later as he wondered what I wanted.

I grabbed his hands. "I love you. More than anything."

Deidara pulled one of his hands from mine to cup my cheek and turn my head so he could look into my eyes. He gave me the most sincere, happy smile imaginable. His gorgeous blue eyes gazed into my own bluish hazel ones, showing me how truly happy and wonderful he was.

"I love you too, Kathryn. I love you more than anything in this world." Deidara told me seriously. "You are my masterpiece."

I grinned, noticing the lack of "un". That meant he was serious. I smiled and grabbed his face, pulling his lips to mine. He grinned into the kiss before deepening it. He tilted my head back slightly as his thumb stroked my cheek and the tongue on his hand mouth licked my jaw.

When we broke apart, he pulled me into a hug and rested his chin on top of my head. We flew together like that for a bit before he interrupted the pleasant silence. "Wanna go back, un?"

"We probably should soon or Danna will get mad." I pouted.

"Don't worry, hmm. I'll protect you." Deidara assured me. He place one of his hands on the owl and it tilted in the sky, turning around to fly gracefully back towards the base. At his command, the owl landed gently in the training grounds.

He picked me up and hopped off. The owl then took flight once more. Deidara and I looked after it until it was high up in the sky. He sat me down and made a familiar hand sign. "Katsu!"

I grinned as the owl exploded and looked to Deidara. He was grinning with a look of pure excitement and pride on his face that I see when he's either making art, or looking at me. He was so cute. I couldn't help but squeal and glomp him.

"You're so sexy when you blow things up." I told him.

He chuckled that damn sexy chuckle at me and kissed my cheek. "You're sexy all the time, yeah."

I giggled. "Oh stop it." He smiled at me and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards the base. We walked inside and headed towards the living room where everyone was at.

"I hope you two didn't do it on the bird." Alice stated. She was running her fingers through Itachi's hair. Itachi was lying lengthwise on the couch, his head in her lap.

I grinned. "Nope. But that's a wonderful idea."

Deidara and Hidan laughed, especially when Kisame choked on his drink. Said shark started laughing in the next second. Itachi chuckled gently and Alice watched me with a smile.

Alice smiled at me. "You happy?"

She could read me so well. "Very." I admitted.

She nodded in approval. "Good." Her eyes flicked to Deidara and she smirked a little at his happiness before directing her attention to the doorway.

"There you are." Danna said evilly.

I yelped and hid behind Deidara. "I'm sorry Danna!"

Danna walked towards us before grabbing me by my shirt and pulling me towards him. I cried in fear, trying to get him to take pity on my poor soul. But he just wrapped his arm around my neck and gave me a noogie.

"No more kicking me, brat. Or else I'll separate the two of you." Danna threatened before letting me go and pushing me into Deidara. Dei caught me skillfully and shot a glare at Danna.

"No Danna! I'm very sorry!" I whined.

"Hey Kat, take a step to the right." Alice ordered.

I did as she asked before looking around at her. "Why?"

"TACKLE!" She shouted, jumping on Deidara and taking him to the ground. "That'll teach your hair to be so damn yellow!" Deidara laughed and retaliated.

I just giggled, realizing that Alice asked me to move so I wouldn't get taken out. I shrugged at their behavior before plopping down on the couch between Itachi and Danna.

"Hi Itachi." I said cheerfully, knocking my shoulders gently against his.

"Hello Kathryn." Itachi said gently, giving me the small ghost of a smile he reserved for everyone except Alice. She got real ones. He returned the shoulder push.

I grinned at him. "How are you?"

He dipped his head slightly. "I feel much better after hurting Hidan."

"Fuck you, Uchiha." Hidan growled. He pushed Alice and Deidara away from him with his foot when they got too close to him. "Oi, watch it fuckers!"

Kakuzu walked into the room. "If they break something, I'm breaking them." He growled as he sat beside Hidan.

I laughed when Alice and Deidara paused in their war to grin at each other, grab Hidan, and pull him into their sparing session.

"Oi!" Hidan shouted as Alice and Deidara pinned him to the floor. "Get the fuck off of me!"

"Fight back bitch!" Alice ordered.

"Fine!" Hidan snarled. He pushed off the ground and pinned Alice to the floor. Deidara jumped on Hidan and allowed his hand mouths to bite the Jashinist as Hidan bent Alice's arms awkwardly.

Kisame sat up to watch the brawl. "Hidan, don't hurt her."

"Fuck you fish face!" Hidan growled.

Alice punched him in the face. "Don't be mean to Kisame, bastard!"

Hidan punched her in the gut. "Don't fucking punch me, bitch!"

Itachi's eyes narrowed in disapproval.

"Hidan, be nice. Alice you too." I scolded.

"He's being mean to Kisame!" Alice protested. She glanced at me before biting Hidan's shoulder.

"Hey, none of that." Danna sighed. "Alright. That's enough you three." He stood and picked Deidara up off of Hidan just as Kakuzu removed Hidan from Alice. Itachi picked up Alice and kissed her when she made to go after Hidan.

Deidara, who was fighting to get away from Danna, stopped struggling when I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him fully.

He grinned at me when I let him breathe. "Hey un."

"Hi." I smiled. "Still wanna fight?"

"Not if I get to keep kissing you, yeah." He told me.

I beamed. "Deal."

"Fucking pathetic." Hidan growled.

Alice punched him. "Watch your mouth, asshole!"

Itachi sighed. "I will be taking Alice back to our bedroom." He picked Alice up to keep her from attacking Hidan. "Alice, no more fighting Hidan today."

"Who said anything about fighting?" She demanded. "I'm going to kill him."

"Bring it, crazy bitch!" Hidan snapped. I could see the amusement in his eyes so I smiled.

Deidara chuckled at Alice struggling in Itachi's grip to get at Hidan to kill him. He smiled as he turned his attention to me once more and kissed me. "You're cute, yeah."

I giggled and hugged him. "I love you."

"I love you too." He assured me. He looked at Danna. "We're gonna go back to our room, Danna. Okay, hmm?"

"Shoo." Danna stated, waving us away dismissively.

I slipped away from Deidara to kiss Danna's cheek before hugging Kisame, Hidan, and Kakuzu. I then returned to his side and we left the room together. Danna just patted my head. Kisame grinned at me. Hidan protest verbally but returned the gesture and Kakuzu ignored me with a small pat on the back.

He picked me up on our way there and carried me bridal style, saying he needed to practice for when we got married. I squealed and glomped him while already in his arms and we fell to the ground in a heap of kisses, squeals of joy, chuckles, and "I love you"s.

I love him so much.

* * *

><p><em>Awe, ish mushy!<em>

Tori-da-Mutt _made me a seriously spectacular fan-musing/oneshot. It made my life reading it. Go and read it. Tell her how awesome it is. :DD_

_Next will prolly be for _xdreamernumbuhfour. _She made me fanart of Alice and Kathryn!_

_Brat, if you're reading this, you need to tell me what you want! You're making your Danna sad!_

_Well, bye lovelies. And thank you again to all you who make me a happy author!_


	5. Chapter 5

_Dis oneshot is for _Amaya86_. She asked for something with Brett and Louis._

_Or, them reacting to Alice being in the anime._

_This, like all of my other oneshots, was done in like 15 minutes with no previous thought put into them._

_Four OC warning. And most of it is two gay boys who are madly in love. Don't like it? Don't read it._

_Insult them, and I'll kill you._

_But:) I hope you enjoy it. I do not own Naruto._**  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Third Person!<strong>

"Babe~!" Brett pouted, wiggling on the couch with impatience. "What are you doing? Get out here and cuddle with me! The new Naruto episode is coming on in a minute!"

Brett grinned when he heard a sigh. He loved messing with Louis. He was so cute when he was snippy. "Hold your sexy fucking ass, bitch. I'm doing something! The TV ain't gonna run away."

"But!" Brett began.

"Shut your mouth before I shove something in it." Louis growled. "And you may or may not like it."

Brett grinned. "A cookie?"

"No. Meat." Louis stated. "More specifically, my meat."

Brett snickered. "But I'm a vegetarian!"

"You didn't complain last night, did you, bitch?" Louis stated as he walked into the living room. He carried two drinks and a plate of food, complete with some snacks and a single cookie. "Shut up and here is your cookie." He handed Brett a chocolate chip cookie before sitting down beside him on the couch. He set his plate down and one of the glasses.

Brett nommed on the cookie as he leaned into his boyfriend. He rested his head on Louis's should and nuzzled his seme. "I miss Alice."

Louis nodded. "Me too." He rested his head against Brett's and closed his eyes. "But, she's happy. So that's what matters." He had to keep telling himself that, especially when he pictured her in a base full of other males who were not him as well as a world with danger at every turn.

"You're so sweet. That is what matters." Brett beamed, kissing his cheek. He looked at the TV which was still blank. Neither had built up the desire to leave the other's side in order to grab the remote. "Okay… let's just hope no one we love dies or I'll throw a fit."

Louis sighed. "If you start crying because of an anime again, I'll throw you in the closet and only let you out when I need some release."

"NO! DIRTY!" Brett whined. "Bondage scares me! I don't like it!"

Louis laughed. "Oh… such nice ideas..." He grinned at the mental images coursing through his head. "I think… rope. Yes. That would do nicely. Ball gag… And a collar and leash." He looked at Brett and a perverse, crazed smirk broke out on his handsome face. "You would look so fucking rapeable."

Brett pouted. "Meanie."

"I'm sorry love." Louis said kindly, kissing Brett's head and hugging him. He raised his eyebrow when the power flickered for a minute and their TV turned on by itself. "Huh… must have been a power surge or something."

Brett gasped. "Or maybe some poor birdy got killed on the line!" He slammed his face against the window behind the couch. "No! Birdy! Stay away from the shocking poles and wires! Dey is not good for yu!"

Louis rolled his eyes. "You and animals…" He grabbed Brett's shirt and pulled his taller uke closer. "Let's just watch some ninjas fight each other? Kay?"

"Sounds kinky." Brett grinned. He snickered when Louis smirked and they both focused on the screen.

The screen took on the appearance of a forest that was suffering an unrelenting downpour. A large mountainous shape loomed over the clearing the screen showed.

"Huh… that doesn't look like Konoha…" Brett mused, cocking his head to the side.

"_OI! BRAT! GET BACK HERE!_" A familiar voice shouted through the speakers.

Louis cocked his head to the side until he saw a tall blond sprint onto the screen, holding what appeared to be a scroll. He spit his drink out. "KATHRYN?"

Brett squealed and jumped out of his seat. "Kathryn!"

"_NO DANNA! I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET INSIDE HIRUKO! HE'S UGLY!_" Kathryn shouted back over the rain.

Sasori marched onto the screen after her. "_KATHRYN! Get your skinny ass back over here and give me my damn puppet!_"

Kathryn shook her head, her hair drenched with rain. "_Pein-sama! It's really wet!_"

"_That's what Konan said!_" An even more familiar voice barked, followed by a laugh.

Brett's eyes widened. "Alice…"

Louis gawked when Alice jogged onto the screen. "_What are you being a sourpuss for, Sasori?_" She asked, looking at Sasori.

"_The brat stole my puppet scroll and she will not give it back!_" Sasori hissed.

Alice nodded. "_Uh huh… You know… you could just threaten to keep her separated from Dei right? That would solve this issue real quick._" Alice explained. "_YO! PEIN! CUT THE RAIN WILL YOU?_"

The rain only increased.

"_Fucking asshole._" Alice snarled.

Louis pointed at the screen. "Alice! Watch your fucking mouth! Or I'll come over there and rip your fucking uterus out and bitchslap you with it!"

Brett giggled. "Lou, she can't hear you." He touched the screen where Alice was. His expression softened and he fought the urge to hug the TV will all of his might. "I miss Alice, Louis." He pouted and fought back his longing. "I want her."

Louis frowned. "I know, Bee." He crossed his arms. "However… what I want to know is… where in the _fuck_ did she get that scar on her face?"

Alice had a long scar down the side of her face from where Sasuke had cut her and Louis had found it. Obviously, he was not happy.

"_Alice. You're going to get sick out here. So will Kathryn._" Itachi said as he walked up behind Alice. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek.

Louis froze, his eyes narrowing instantly and his hands twitching. His eye twitched further with steadily building anger as Itachi continued touching Alice.

Deidara appeared next. "_Babe, give Danna back his doll, un. Let's get you inside where it's warm so you don't get sick, yeah._"

Kathryn squealed about his sweetness and glomped him. She tossed Sasori back his scroll. He caught it easily and immediately returned to the dry base. Brett squealed about the cuteness of the entire situation.

The screen returned to Alice, Itachi, Kathryn, and Deidara. Kathryn was being carried bridal style by Deidara as he took her back towards the base, kissing her all the way. Alice, however, was being kissed passionately in the rain by Itachi. Brett awed loudly and hugged himself at the cuteness. Alice looked so happy.

Brett jumped sky high when suddenly the coffee table crashed into the TV. He looked around in shock to see Louis glaring at what was once the TV. "Louis!"

"No one touches my bitch." Louis snarled, continuing to glare.

Brett just chuckled quietly and rubbed the back of his head. "That's the third TV in the past two months, Lou."

"I see things I don't like a lot." Louis growled, marching away. He began climbing the stairs as soon as he reached them, his expression murderous and determined.

Brett snickered. "Where are you going?"

"To get my gun." Louis barked.

"Why?" Brett wondered.

"So I can go find that fucking Uchiha and shoot his head off." Louis snarled. "Or I'll find that Kishimoto bastard and shoot him for making the Uchiha who touches my woman."

Brett sighed. "But Louis…"

"DON'T SAY IT!" Louis snapped.

Brett giggled. "Itachi is in a different universe, and you're not allowed on airplanes... or any public transportation for that matter without lots of paperwork."

* * *

><p><span>Amaya86<span>, _I hope you like it. Since Alice and Kathryn aren't Kishimoto's creation, they were never meant to be in the anime or whatever. Not to mention, Alice and Kathryn fuck the story line up so much. But, I did my best with your request. Besides... Louis and Brett could only react in very... violent and sweet ways respectively._

Amaya86_ made me some fanart of Alice. The link of her drawing (as well as all of the other fanactivities) are on my profile so feel free to look through them._

_Don't expect a lot of oneshots to be filing in. I have a few to do, but I'm still in a slump and I really don't feel like writing all that much. It's a hassle to get myself to write anything because I just don't feel like it. However, I will be doing my utmost to please you all._

_So, there we are. I hope you enjoy._

_Bee, Lulu, if you read this... XD I love you_.


	6. Chapter 6

_Three OC warning._

_This is for _Tobi's Only Girl _aka, my Brat._

_I only own Kathryn and Alice. Kaiko is her OC._

* * *

><p>"Question." I began.<p>

Kathryn skipped around with me, holding Tobi's hand. "Answer!"

I sighed. "Why are we out here again?"

Tobi hopped over to me and stood in my path. "Tobi has something he wants to show Alice-chan and Kathryn-chan!"

Kathryn grinned. "Duh! Come on Alice-_chan_! Don't be such a party pooper!"

"I'm not being a party pooper. I'm just a little annoyed by all of the excited movement." I stated. "And I know Sasori and Deidara are." I gestured over my shoulder to the two artists. Sasori's eye was twitching with irritation and Deidara was stiff, muttering curses at Tobi under his breath.

Kathryn stuck her tongue out at the pair and began bouncing excitedly with Tobi again. I sighed at their antics and looked back at the pair. "Hey Sasori, Dei, I have an idea."

"What, un?" Deidara asked.

"Please tell me it involves slaughter." Sasori growled, looking at me. "More specifically of a hyperactive blond and a black haired lollipop…"

I laughed. "That's for later Sasori. I told you that." When he just rolled his eyes I continued. "How about you two go and get the stuff for Pein. Kathryn and I will stay with Tobi. That way no one dies."

Sasori sighed. "I see the logic in that, but will Tobi be able to protect you?"

I nodded. "Yeah, you guy can trust Tobi."

Tobi glomped me, taking me to the ground. "Tobi will protect Alice-chan and Kathryn-chan! Because Tobi is a good boy!"

"Tobi, get off of me." I sighed.

"Perhaps you should come with us, un." Deidara chuckled.

I looked at him and raised my eyebrow. "You wanna leave Kathryn and Tobi by themselves?"

Sasori paled. "On second thought, you should probably go with them, Alice."

"That's what I thought." I stated. "Kat, we're parting ways. Go say bye."

"Okay!" She beamed. She ran at Deidara and tackled him, kissing him passionately as soon as she collided with him. "Bye Dei! I love you! Hurry back to me, okay?"

Deidara chuckled and hugged her. "I will un. Be safe and listen to Alice yeah?"

She nodded and kissed him again before hopping over to Sasori and hugging him. She kissed his cheek. "Bye Danna!"

"Bye brat. Behave." He said absently, patting her head. He said bye to Tobi and I before turning away. "Let's go, Deidara." Then they left, walking away.

I sighed. "Alright Madara, what is it you wanted to show us?"

The Tobi persona shifted slightly and Madara's darker, more serious aura took over. However, it wasn't stuffing like usual. It still had a happier, more peaceful twinge to it. I think he was trying to keep Kathryn comfortable because she's a little afraid of him.

"Follow me." He said calmly. Kathryn looked and me and shrugged before skipping after him. I caught up to them easily and we walked together to a small village.

"Wait here." Madara instructed randomly. I looked around and noticed we were in the shadow of some trees on the outskirts of the village. "I will only take me a moment."

"Right…" I stated, raising my eyebrow.

Kathryn and I waited, confused for a bit, until I saw Madara walking back in our direction. Well… skipping back in our direction. I could tell he was back in his Tobi persona from a mile away. However, that's not what caught my attention.

He wasn't alone, as I assumed he would be. Instead, he was accompanied by a very skinny, petite girl. She had waist-length black hair. She was pretty short, about 5'2" or so. She was wearing a black mini-skirt and a red spaghetti top. She wore no shoes though.

I raised my eyebrow. "Who's this Tobi? Your girlfriend?"

Madara coughed and looked away from me. "Alice."

I smirked at his behavior. "Please go to Tobi persona. The evil ruler ninja should not have a girlfriend." I laughed when he glared at me. I shook my head at his antics and turned my attention to his friend. "Sup? I'm Alice."

Now that she was closer, I noticed her different colored eyes. The right one was blue, and the left red. She appeared to be… almost hiding behind Madara.

She quietly bowed her head at me. "I'm Kaiko."

Kathryn squealed at her shyness and attacked. She darted forward and scooped her up in a hug. "Awe! You are totally Tobi's type! You're so cute! I'm Kathryn, it's very nice to meet you!"

"Kathryn, calm down and set the poor kid down. You're scaring her." I sighed. Kathryn pouted but obeyed before skipping back to my side. I rolled my eyes at her antics before addressing Kaiko again. "Don't mind her. She's harmless."

Tobi chuckled and patted Kaiko's head. She blushed madly at the gesture. "Alice is right, Kaiko. You don't have to be afraid of Kathryn."

Kaiko nodded. "I'm actually 19…"

I raised my eyebrow. "Is that so?"

She nodded.

"Well, looks like she's legal Madara." I teased.

Madara, having reverted to Tobi stuttered animatedly. "Alice-chan! What does Alice-chan mean by that?"

I snorted and turned my attention to Kaiko who was bushing like crazy and burying her face in her hands. I laughed at their simplicity. "To Tob-dara, is she your girlfriend or what?"

Tobi bounced and hugged the girl. "Kai-chan is Tobi's special friend!"

Kathryn and I exchanged a look and we both smirked a bit. Tobi was out, and his new girlfriend was obviously as shy and timid as hell.

Time to screw with them.

"Uh huh… So friends with benefits? Kathryn wondered.

"Special friend in the bedroom?" I pressed.

Kaiko looked about ready to pass out. "A-Alice!" Tobi fainted.

I laughed. "Just admit it. You two are lovers."

"Awe! Their love is soo cute!" Kathryn squealed. "Tobi! Get up so we can joyfully bounce together!"

Tobi was up in an instant and they were bouncing in the same second, twirling in happy circles. I rolled my eyes at their antics and looked at Kaiko. She was watching Tobi with nothing but adoration and love in her eyes.

I elbowed her, and gained her attention. "You like him."

She nodded quietly.

"He likes you." I informed her. "I can tell. I know Madara and Tobi. So, embrace your man girl."

"I enjoy spending time with him. We always have lots of fun." She said quietly.

"And if you two aren't a couple by the next time I see you, I'll hurt both of you." I told her with a nod. "Oi, Kathryn, your man is here."

Kathryn broke away from Tobi and sprinted at Deidara who had arrived with Sasori.

"Come on you three." Sasori stated, ignoring Kathryn's excited mannerisms.

Tobi scooped Kaiko up in a hug, pausing, obviously to Madaraly whisper something in her ear before hopping away. "Bye Kai-chan! I'll miss you!"

"Bye Tobi!" She called after us.

"Hey guys." I began, gaining everyone's attention.

Deidara looked at me. "What un?"

"Tobi and that chick are doing each other!" I shouted before running away from Madara before he could kill me with his Tobi persona. I could hear Kathryn and the artists laughing as I ran.

"ALICE-CHAN!"

* * *

><p><em>Sorry it's not that good Brat. I'm really not feeling happiness at the moment.<em>

_I did as you asked though, so you're going to have to live with it. This was one pretty much on the fly. I had a semi spark from some lightning and I took it. However, it quickly died after seeing my dog laying there in pain. Yeah. I'm not in the mood to type._

_Sorry for the delays on these oneshots. I'm trying to work on them. I really am._

_I promise they will be written eventually. I write one whenever I get into a slight mood._

_Go check out my brat's stories. She's new to this so give her a break. Be mean to her and I'll rip your face off:)_

_Toodlies._


	7. Chapter 7

_Five OC warning. Alice, Kathryn and _KitsPokePeople_'s choice of OCs Kits, Kai, and Aly_

_I had fun writing this on the fly._

_It was amusing. I miss writing about the antics in our world._

_I do not own the Akatsuki or three of the OCs._

* * *

><p>I sighed as I pulled into the park. Hidan was talking animatedly about Jashin knows what, and I could just tell that Pein was seconds from destroying him. As usual when we were in my Hummer, Pein sat up front with me. Itachi, Konan, and Hidan sat in the next row while Deidara, Kakuzu, and Sasori sat in the last. Kathryn was on Deidara's lap. Tobi and Zetsu, were traveling by their own means and would be meeting us there.<p>

We were going to a different park than the one right behind my condo. Apparently, someone was having a birthday party there, so I gathered up the troops who were dying to get out of the house, and we went to a different one.

And to be honest, I like this one better.

It was less occupied and visited because the town it resides in is really small and there aren't a lot of people not to mention it was on a really deadly back road. It was by a river, and it was surrounded by woods and it had a lot of nice facilities, and trails, and two really nice playgrounds. It had tennis courts, a baseball field, and a sand volleyball thing.

It wasn't as nice as the park behind my house, but I liked it more because it was more nature-y.

Yeah. That's a word.

Anyways, back to car antics.

"Hidan, shut the fuck up or I will drive this Hummer into the fucking river." I snarled.

"Go ahead bitch. You and Kathryn will be the only ones to fucking die." He growled. "We're ninjas.

"Yes, well, I have child locked doors." I stated. I parked and sighed. "Get out of the car before they see us together."

"Who are they?" Kakuzu asked.

I looked back at him. "Everyone." I unlocked the car and shooed away the ninjas. Tobi and Zetsu appeared around the car in the next second. Zetsu came from the ground and Tobi in a swirl.

Kisame wrapped an arm around my shoulders as I got out of the Hummer and locked it. He breathed in deeply. "I already like this place more than the other park."

"Danna! Come play in the sand with me!" Kathryn cried. She then froze and looked horrified. "Oh Danna I'm sorry! I didn't think about it making you homesick!" She glomped him. "Don't be sad."

Sasori, who looked just about anything other than sad rolled his eyes. "Kathryn, sit down before you hurt yourself."

"Okay!" She chirped before sitting down in the middle of the parking lot. "I hurt my butt a little bit when I sat."

I stared at her. "Feel free to drown her in the river, Sasori."

He chuckled. "Thank you for giving me the option."

"Of course, dear." I smile. "Well, go get some fresh air. Do not leave the park, and please stay away from other people if you see anyone."

"We're the only fucking ones here!" Hidan snapped, running up a tree before jumping back down. "Ah! Outside! As much as I love lazing around in your fucking house bitch, outside is so much better."

I patted his head. "Yes I know."

"HIDAN!" Kathryn yelled. "Come play on the teeter-totter with me!"

Hidan looked over at her and cackled before jogging over to her. Deidara was inspecting the other play set things curiously. I shook my head and looked around for the others. Zetsu was already heading for the woods and Tobi was skipping over to the playground.

Pein and Konan had found a nice bench and were sitting on it, chatting. Kisame was edging towards the water while Kakuzu watched and Sasori was watching over the idiots for me. Itachi sat onto of my Hummer, waiting for me to find something to do.

I smiled at him. "Nothing to do?"

"Someone needs to keep an eye on you." He told me. He dropped down to the ground and stroked my cheek. "Anything you want to do?"

"OI! WHAT THE FUCK?" Hidan shouted.

I sighed. "What now?" I looked towards them to see some girl with short brown hair positively mugging Hidan. She was either insane, suicidal, or both. Two other girls stood behind her gawking and pointing at Hidan, Deidara, Tobi, and Sasori.

"OI!" I shouted. I motioned for Itachi to follow me and I jogged over to them. "Hidan, down boy!"

Hidan looked murderous and Kathryn was laughing her ass off. "Get her the fuck off me then!"

I raised my eyebrow. "Uh brownie, can you released the murderous dude? He's not the kind of person you can just hug if you don't know him."

She let him go and beamed. "I've never seen Hidan cosplay done so well before."

"It's in his genes." I said dismissively.

She gawked over the others. "Oh my Jashin you have Deidara, Sasori, Hidan, Tobi, and Itachi!" She hissed. "Who else do you have?"

"The whole gang." I deadpanned. "Who are you, exactly?"

"My name's Aly." She said with a smile. "These are my friends Kits and Kai."

I dipped my head. "Alice." I gestured at Kathryn. "That's Kathryn."

"So, do you guys not cosplay like your friends?" The one I understood to be Kits asked.

I shook my head. "Nope."

"I'm not a fucking cosplayer!" Hidan shouted. "What the fuck does that even mean?"

I sighed. "Dumbass. Keep your mouth shut."

"Alice?" Pein stated, suddenly beside me with Konan. "Is there a problem?"

I sighed. "Nope. We've got a trio of fangirls though. One attacked Hidan."

"And I missed it?" Kakuzu demanded. "Damn."

"Wow," the third girl, Kai began, "those cosplays are so awesome."

All of the Akatsuki looked confused.

Tobi pulled on my shirt. "Alice-chan, what's cosplay?"

"Dressing up like a character or something from a fandom." I explained.

Sasori raised his eyebrow. "Dressing up?"

"Oh fuck it." I growled, noticing the girls looked utterly amused and amazed by the entire situation. "Dei, hand please."

Deidara held out his hand and I showed it to the girls. "Kai, Aly, Kits, meet Deidara. Deidara, meet the girls."

"That's pretty realistic." Kits said.

"Kakuzu?" I sighed.

"Yes?" He wondered.

"Could you um… use your threads to get Hidan?" I asked.

He chuckled. "With pleasure." He crossed his arms before his hands detached themselves and flew at Hidan. Hidan swore loudly and whipped out a knife from my kitchen. He hopped away, flipping and whatnot to avoid Kakuzu.

The girls were gawking.

"If you haven't figured it out yet," Kathryn giggled, "they're the real deal." She nuzzled Deidara's face. "Where else could you find such a sexy man?"

"Men." I corrected.

"So let me get this straight…" Kits stated. "These are the real Akatsuki members?"

"Indeed." I nodded.

She blinked. "Can I have one?"

I laughed. "Uh, no you can't. I'm rather fond of them, and they are my cats."

She swore. "Damn it."

"But, you're more than welcome to go glomp one." I stated. "Just avoid the ones who will rip your face off."

"Wouldn't that be all of them?" Kai asked.

I paused. "Pein?"

"Do not hurt the girls." Pein said firmly.

"Nope." I told her. "Thank you Pein."

He dipped his head and twitched a bit, to which I responded with my own. Once we were done with our silent conversation, I looked back to Kai, Kits, and Aly, only long enough to watch Aly tackle hug Hidan, Kits mugged Sasori and Kai mugged the one closest to her who happened to be Kisame.

"What is with girls and hugging?" Sasori snapped, trying to push Kits off of him.

"You're just too cute, Danna." Kathryn giggled. "Duh."

Kisame looked distraught and yet victorious at the same time. "Uh… Alice?"

"Yes Kisame?" I asked.

"Can uh you get the fan girl off of me?" He pouted. "I don't want to hurt her."

"AWE!" Kai cried as she released him. "Kisame is so sweet!"

I laughed. "Isn't he though?"

She beamed at him before latching onto Kakuzu who kind of stared at her for a minute before sighing and just letting her do as she pleased. He knows he can never win against a fangirl when he's ordered not to kill her.

"So what are you guys doing here?" Aly asked as she showed Hidan her Jashinist necklace.

"I brought them out here so they could get some fresh air." I explained. "You're welcome to join them in whatever antics they get themselves into. Just… leave Deidara and Itachi alone."

Kai cocked her head to the side. "Why?"

"Because Deidara is Kathryn's and Itachi is mine." I smiled. "And Pein is Konan's, so leave him alone too." I ignored Pein's glare and waved them off as I went to the swings.

The Akatsuki are like children. Especially when they have people to be children with…

Kisame stayed by the river mostly and he played in the water. After about an hour, he came walking over to me, sopping wet and grinning like an idiot. He hugged me when I scolded him, drenching me in the disgusting river water.

So, I dismissed him to chase the others around so he could dry off.

Aly, Kai, and Kits stayed mostly with Deidara, Tobi, Kathryn, Sasori, Hidan, and now Kakuzu and Kisame. They were playing pirate, I believe and I was under the impression Tobi was the captain until Sasori got sick of it and threw him off the play set.

Then Kits demanded that it was mutiny and Sasori threatened to throw her to the shark, who happened to be Kisame. He would take to grabbing ankles and dragging people off the "boat" as well and brutally injuring people like he did to Tobi. He had already done it a few times to Hidan and Deidara.

Kits then bowed and demanded that Sasori be their captain to which Sasori sarcastically agreed and demanded, from his captain's quarters, which were the top of the play set, that Deidara had to admit art was eternal if he wanted to remain on the boat.

Well, that just caused a huge art debate, which was ended by Kakuzu throwing the pair overboard into the jaws of the great white and the great green. Zetsu, bored with merely watching, had decided to join. Tobi had dubbed himself a dolphin and was bouncing around, making strange noises.

And thus, Kakuzu was made captain.

I sighed at their antics as Kakuzu demanded everyone give him money. And as soon as he was made captain he picked Hidan up and threw him to Zetsu as well. "Why do we know these people?"

"I ask myself that question every day." Pein sighed. He and Konan sat beside me and Itachi on the swings nearby, watching the idiots play.

"I think it's kind of funny." Konan giggled when Sasori grabbed Kathryn's ankle, causing her to scream bloody murder and smack him repeatedly until he let go and Tobi, the helpful friendly dolphin tackled Sasori and Deidara, making a dolphin noise that sounded strangely like "run Kathryn-chan".

"Funny? Yes." I agreed. "Degrading? Also yes." I sighed when Kisame jumped over the play set and grabbed Kits. "Fit for a gang of criminal murderers? No."

Kits yelled and managed to grab onto the bars and hold on long enough for Tobi to come to her rescue. Kisame, laughing, released her and allowed her to scramble away from the edge and latch onto the captain.

Itachi stared at them. "I never imagined Kakuzu or Sasori to get into this childishness."

"Kakuzu is getting paid." I told him. "And Sasori is using it as an excuse to hurt people. Look what he just got done doing to Tobi." Sasori had thrown Tobi into one of those ball things that are like monkey bars. I don't know what their called. But now Tobi was throwing a fit.

"There goes the Aly girl." Pein stated. Aly was thrown to Hidan who carried her over to the ball cage and shoved her inside with Tobi. Hidan then was dubbed Lord Guard Shark and set about creeping in circles around the cage.

Kits screamed when Sasori grabbed her, but she was saved by Kathryn who jumped off the boat in order to save her. She tackled Sasori to the ground and acted like she was nomming on his face. She was picked up by Deidara a minute later and they began their suck-face session.

"One down, three to go." I stated with a smirk. "I wonder who goes next."

"Looks like Kakuzu might." Itachi stated. Deidara had deposited Kathryn in prison and took over Hidan's role. Now Hidan had jumped up and taken out Kakuzu's legs and was currently trying to rip him off the boat. Kits and Kai were helping Hidan, not wanting to lose any more money to their captain.

With the help of Kisame, Kakuzu finally joined the ranks of sharks, being dubbed fondly the Anti-Loan Shark by Kathryn.

"Alice! We need help!" Kits screamed from the sheltered thing. Kai had been dubbed captain seeing as she was the elder.

I scoffed. "Do you honestly think I'm going to join your silly game?"

Kisame and Hidan turned in my direction slowly, evil twin grins breaking out on their faces.

"Oh shit." I swore. I latched onto Itachi. "Keep them away!"

Kisame and Hidan started running towards me and Hidan pulled me away from Itachi while Kisame grabbed my weasel and carried him over with me. As soon as Kisame set Itachi down on the "boat", Itachi punched the shit out of Kisame.

"Do not _ever_ pick me up like that again Kisame." Itachi threatened. "Unless you wish to suffer for the rest of your life."

Kisame pouted and rubbed his jaw. "Yes Itachi."

I kicked Hidan in the balls and stood with a sniff on the ship. "I'm captain."

"Okay. They tend to target the captain." Kai whimpered.

I scoffed. "I'd like to see them get me."

"Is that a challenge?" Sasori asked as he popped up in the tunnel slide.

I threw a giant foam building block at his face. "Yes it is, puppet bitch."

Itachi wrapped his arms around me from behind. "Orders, captain?"

"Oh, roleplaying." I smirked. "Very nice." I looked at the girls. "Kits, Kai, you are our treasures. We cannot allow you to be pulled into the shark pit."

"Why?" Kai asked.

I shrugged. "Because, I won't get pulled in and if they can pull Itachi in, they deserve to win."

"I accept the challenge." Kakuzu grunted as he walked under the play set.

"RUN MOMMA!" Kathryn yelled.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Aly added.

Deidara laughed. "Quiet prisoners, un!"

Kathryn grinned at Deidara. "Are you going to punish me, sir?"

Deidara smirked at her. "Yeah, un."

All of us stared. Sasori threw a rock a Deidara. "Knock it off, brats. Those sort of things are meant for your alone time."

"Sharks, come in for a meeting!" Kisame barked.

**THIRD PERSON!**

Kisame smirked as all of the "sharks" gathered. "We need to get Alice."

"I agree." Sasori stated. "However, with Itachi up there, getting her will be difficult. And we aren't allowed to use our jutsu."

Kakuzu frowned. "We'll manage."

"I think we should get the other shits first." Hidan stated. "Limit it down to the two most difficult."

Deidara frowned. "That makes sense, un."

"**I will get Kai.** She seems to be an easy target." Zetsu stated.

"Kathryn, you stay in that cage thing." Sasori snapped, noticing her attempted escape. "Do not make me come over there."

She pouted, halfway out of the cage. "But Danna!"

"But nothing, you get your ass in there and you stay or so help me, no Deidara for you." Sasori threatened.

She whimpered and returned to the cell, hugging Aly and Tobi in her misery.

"We have to watch them too. And with Itachi, we'll need everyone, un." Deidara stated.

Zetsu nodded. "**Deidara is right.**"

"But, I have a solution, un." Deidara smirked. "Tobi, come here un!"

Tobi hopped over to Deidara after emerging from the confines of the barred cage. "Yes Deidara-senpai?"

"Tobi, if you want to be a really good boy, you'll help us yeah." Deidara stated.

"TOBI IS A GOOD BOY!" Tobi shouted.

Kisame snickered. "Alright Tobi. You need to guard the cage and keep Kathryn and Aly inside it for us. Can you do that?"

"Tobi will guard the prisoners because Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi cheered. He then skipped over to the cage before turning into Guard Lollipop and did a stiff march back and forth before the cage.

"Idiot, un." Deidara sighed.

**FIRST PERSON ALICE!**

"They're planning." I growled. "They're up to something." I crossed my arms.

Itachi rolled his black eyes. As rules stipulated, he wasn't allowed to use his Sharingan. "They are getting too into this game."

"Break!" Kisame, the head shark, ordered. And then they split. I saw a glint in Hidan's eyes as he paced back in forth in front of me, watching my every move.

"Why do I get the feeling that Hidan is coming for me?" I whined.

"He was meant to distract you. **While I took Kai.**" Zetsu explained, grabbing Kai and ripping her off of the play set. He tossed her to Kisame who chuckled as he set her inside the cage.

"Fuck!" I stated. "Itachi, protect Kits. I'll fall back with you."

Itachi chuckled and obeyed, falling back to keep Kits safe in a corner. She was laughing, obviously having enjoyed Kai's "holy shit!" face as well as the game in general.

"I suppose it's my turn then." Kakuzu's voice stated as he grabbed me from one of the slides. I yelled and bit his hand, while Itachi punched him in the chest. Kisame took advantage of Itachi's hand being out and grabbed it, pulling his partner off the boat and into the "waters".

I was released and Kits and I latched onto each other in the unreachable part of the boat that was too high for even Kisame to grab us. We were protected from above by a roof.

Itachi was dubbed Weasel Shark and he joined the ranks.

"We are so fucking screwed." I sighed, hugging Kits. "It was nice knowing you."

She gulped before we both laughed and focused on the ninja surrounding us.

I yelped when I felt something pinch me from between some of the supporting bars. I saw Itachi standing there, smirking at me. I stuck my tongue out at him and before smiling.

"AH!" Kits yelled. I looked back around to see Hidan had climbed up the side by using the knife he brought with him. I jumped up and kicked him in the face, grabbing the knife from his hand and running back to safety.

"Ouch!" Hidan shouted.

I stuck my tongue out at him. "Dick."

"Momma!" Kathryn shouted. "Look out!"

I turned around and was suddenly face to face with a smirking Sasori.

"Fuck my life." I whimpered. So, I did what any good person would do in such a situation. I grabbed Kits, and threw her at Sasori.

Sasori dropped down from the play set with a grunt, holding Kits to his person. "Take her away." He handed her to Deidara who tossed her into the cage with a laugh and a kiss for Kathryn.

"FUCK YOU GUYS!" I shouted. "KITS I'M SORRY!"

She laughed. "It's okay! Because now you have _all_ of them going after you."

"Shit." I pouted. "Didn't think about that."

"Alice." A voice said from behind me.

I glared at Itachi and pointed my knife at him. "Back! Back I say."

"I'm not coming for you." He told me gently.

I scoffed. "Why not?" I threw my knife at Deidara who was climbing up the steepest part of the play set. "Down!" He pouted at me so I looked back to Itachi. "Why aren't you getting me?"

"Because I've got you." Kisame chuckled in my ear.

I screamed.

And Kisame took me for his own.

* * *

><p>"Well, that was strangely fun." I stated, patting Kisame's head. He was giving me a piggy back since I was his prize for winning. "Kits, you win for lasting the longest."<p>

She beamed proudly. "It's a gift."

Kai smiled. "We have to do this again sometime."

"I fucking agree." Hidan grinned. He patted Aly's head.

"Maybe it they're in the mood, I'll bring them back down here this weekend." I stated, gesturing to the members.

"I like it here." Konan stated. "It's nice."

"I **agree**." Zetsu agreed.

I shrugged. "Well there you go."

Aly smiled. "Next weekend then."

"Next time, we'll use jutsu." Sasori smirked.

"That would be cheating." I snapped, smacking him from my lofty position.

Kits laughed and we all exchanged a farewell before parting ways. Ah, next weekend would be pretty amusing.

* * *

><p><em>I think I'm getting back into the groove guys. Or maybe it was just that this was lots of fun to write.<em>

_I miss writing about our world. And goofy antics. Forgive me for the potential OOC._

_Also, thank you to Kits who drew me a lovely fanart picture. It's on dA. And I'll be putting the link on my profile shortly. :) Go look at it. lol_

_So, I might be updating this more with the oneshots I owe you, but I still have to build motivation. And the desire to write is only short lastnig._

_This was honestly written because I had a bit of a spark and I improvised the _**entire**_ time._

_So, I hope you enjoy. Especially you, Kits dear.  
><em>


	8. Chapter 8

_No OCs in this one. Just some good old PeinXKonan._

Gir's Punk Doll _wanted some Pein and Konan for getting I believe it was the 1,000 review._

_So YaY for her! I got you some Pein and Konan... Just a little love. Nothing too extreme._

_I had to try to keep them in character as much as I could._

_So enjoy dearie. I do not own the Akatsuki._

* * *

><p>Pein sighed quietly and set down his pen. He shook his hand a bit to get some blood flowing seeing how it was cramping up from overuse. He had been doing paperwork for the better portion of the day, and was getting stiff from sitting.<p>

He cracked his locked knuckles and got to his feet, stretching with a suppressed yawn, enjoying the cracks that trailed down his spine as some of the tension and pressure was released.

"Pein-sama." An all too familiar, sweet voice said gently.

Pein looked around and smiled ever so slightly at his oldest friend. No matter what mood he was in, he always welcomed the sight of her almost lavender hair, gray eyes, and her beautiful stoic face. "Konan."

"Are you finally done with the paper work?" She asked, walking closer. She returned his almost nonexistent smile with her own.

"I've got another small pile to do, but I will work on those later. As of right now, I cannot sit another minute. My body is locking up." He explained.

Konan nodded and sat on the edge of his desk, looking up at him with a tiny smile. "Would you like some assistance in loosening up?"

Pein raised an orange eyebrow in question. "What do you mean by that, Konan?"

"I'm offering my help, to get you to loosen up faster. You've been working hard. Even God needs to take a break every now and then. And, as your faithful angel, it is my duty and pleasure to help you do just that." Konan explained, watching his expression.

"What did you have in mind?" He asked, crossing his arms.

"It might require you to sit." She said quietly. "However, you don't have to sit in that stiffed back chair you always sit in." She grabbed his sleeve. "Come over here."

Pein walked after her quietly, wondering what she was planning. He sat on a stool when she instructed him to and raised his eyebrow as she walked behind him.

"Take off your cloak, Pein." She requested.

"Konan…" He began, tensing a bit.

She placed her hands gently on his shoulders. "Trust me, old friend. Like you always have. I promise, you won't regret it. And I promise that I will not hurt you."

Pein silently debated with himself before removing his cloak. He folded it over his arm and relaxed slightly until Konan ran her fingers gently down his back. He froze again and looked back at her.

"Tensing up is not going to help me loosen you up, Pein." Konan said with slight amusement in her voice. She watching him fight himself mentally before his consciousness submitted and he relaxed. "I am going to touch you, but I'm not going to hurt you."

And so she continued. Focusing her soothing fingers at the separate tension points in his shoulders, back, and neck, she tried to take his mind away from work, as well ease the knots in his body to help him relax.

Pein sighed and closed his eyes, enjoying Konan's skilled fingers. He didn't realize it at first, he had fallen into a sleepy trance. Almost as if he was hypnotized by Konan's task.

Konan smiled at his simplicity and roused him from his doze by kissing his cheek gently. Pein's eyes snapped open and he jumped slightly in his seat, looking around. He paused when he saw Konan watching him with a smile. He raised his eyebrow and cocked his head to the side. "What are you smiling about?"

"You." She giggled lightly and kissed once more before kissing him lightly on his lips. "You were falling asleep. I think you might have even drooled a bit."

He sniffed proudly and looked away. "I was not." He coughed guiltily and wiped his mouth. "I did not."

"Did it feel that good?" She asked.

"Yes." He muttered. He turned back towards her and made to kiss her, but in the Akatsuki base, one never gets peace as often as they would like to.

"ART IS A BANG, UN!" Deidara shouted. His exclamation was followed by a ground shaking explosion.

Pein sighed and closed his eyes.

"JASHIN DAMN IT DEIDARA!" Hidan roared. "LEADER-SAMA! DEIDARA KEEPS BLOWING SHIT UP!"

Deidara obviously didn't like Hidan complaining to Leader. "Shut up Hidan! Leader-sama! Art is a bang! I was just showing Hidan, un! He's fucking sacrificing in the kitchen again, yeah!"

"Konan-san!" Kisame whined. "Itachi won't get out of the freaking bathroom!"

"Leader! Where are the funds I acquired last week?" Kakuzu shouted.

Tobi joined the antics as well. "Konan-san! Zetsu-san isn't sharing with Tobi! Tobi is a good boy!"

"Leader, I ask that you inform Kisame that I have just as much right to take my time in the bathroom as I wish." Itachi snapped.

"Leader! **Deidara blew up my flowers!**" Zetsu barked.

A crash sounded and Sasori's voice joined the complaints. "Konan! Leader! Hidan and Deidara are fighting they blew a hole in my workshop!"

Pein sighed and ran a hand over his face. "Sometimes I feel like we are housing a bunch of mentally and emotionally damaged teenagers." He stood and put on his cloak before looking at Konan.

She giggled and nodded. "We should have stopped after just one. A bunch of boys in one house…" She shook her head. "Well Pein-sama… Shall we help the children?"

"Let's go." He sighed.

The pair of them left his office, one trying to suppress a headache while the other supported a tolerating ghost of a smile. Pein paused outside his door and grabbed Konan's hand before she could go down a separate hallway to tackle one half of their idiots' problems.

"Yes?" She wondered, looking curious.

Pein kissed her cheek before kissing her gently on the lips. "Thank you, Konan."

She smiled at him. "You're welcome, Nagato." And with a small wink in his direction, she walked down the hallway to help one half of the members while Pein continued down another to help the rest.

* * *

><p><em>So, I'm both tired and ecstatic right now. The newest Naruto and Bleach chapters about made me pee my pants in excitement.<em>

_I swear I squeal for a good ten minutes. And those of you who know me, know that I do not squeal._

_So thank you, _Gir's Punk Doll _for reviewing. I appreciate it and love you in a purely platonic way. XD_

_Good day loves._


	9. Chapter 9

_Two OC warning. Our world._

_This is for _Avenging Pineapple Dreamer _who made me a oneshot that was simply amazing. :)_

_Here you are dearest. Please excuse any typos and whatnot. Not really in the mood to fix them.  
><em>

_Enjoy if possible._

* * *

><p>"How in the <em>world<em> was I convinced to go along with this?" I demanded as I parked my Hummer.

"Because you love me and you love the Akatsuki and you want them to have fun just as much as I do." Kathryn beamed at me, shoving her head in the front seat from Deidara's lap to kiss my cheek.

I swatted her face away. "Get." I sighed and shut off my vehicle before addressing my cats, two of which were now standing outside of my Hummer since they came by a different method. "Get out of the car please and meet me over here so I can talk with you."

I got out of the Hummer and in seconds, was surrounded by ten ninja and Kathryn. I shook my head and closed my eyes. "Alright weirdoes, we are in a very public place right now. If you do anything ninjaish, you will be seen and I will have to beat the shit out of you." I smiled at them. "Alright?"

Did you guys know that Zetsu's plant thing was removable?

Well it is.

And he looked better without it if I do say so myself.

Anyways, Zetsu was free of his plant, and Tobi was… well still Tobi. Everyone else looked the same because I didn't really care if they were mugged by fangirls or not. Besides, I seriously doubted that they would be.

"Before we go into this place, if anyone causes any trouble I will fucking end you." I threatened, glaring at all of them, namely Hidan and Deidara.

"We got it." Hidan said dismissively. "Leader already threatened us."

I blinked and looked at Pein. "Why thank you Pein." I smiled.

He clenched his jaw and twitched his nose in response. I laughed and bit my lower lip. He smirked.

Everyone else just stared at us.

"Before we go…" I glared at Hidan. "If you have any weapons on you, put them in the Hummer right now. Hidan sighed before pulling like five knifes off his person and putting them inside the Hummer. Itachi, Kisame, Sasori, and Kakuzu copied him. I smacked my forehead and mentally begged Jashin for strength.

"Alright." I stated. "Let's go." I sighed and turned around to face the fucking amusement park behind us.

Yeah…

I was going to regret this…

Itachi caught up to me and grabbed my hand. I looked at him and he gave me a small smile which I returned with a roll of my eyes. Kathryn skipped around us in excitement before glomping Deidara and repeating the entire process. She was eventually joined by Tobi who took to smacking Deidara whenever he made it around him.

I mentally cursed as my eyes landed on the metal detector outside the entrance. "Fuck."

"What is it, Alice?" Itachi asked, looking down at me.

"I forgot about Pein's piercings." I sighed. I looked back at him. "Damn you and your punk appearance."

He chuckled. "You need not worry Alice. I can take care of it."

"I trust you to." I told him. "Konan should be alright." I paused just behind the metal detectors and put my wallet and whatnot inside the little basket so it could be checked before stepping through the scanner. I was clean and I stood off to the side to watch my idiots after getting my shit back.

Itachi took nothing out of his pockets and stepped through the detector without emotion. He joined me a moment later and stood beside me, curing his arm around my waist. Together, we watched Kakuzu, Deidara, and Kathryn join us.

Hidan passed through the scanner and it went off. I mentally begged that he didn't have anything on him that could be considered dangerous.

"Sir, if you would please step aside." The guy said.

"The fuck do I gotta do that for?" Hidan demanded.

I sighed. "Sir, he has metal rods in his back." I stated, hurrying forward to keep Hidan from killing him. "I should have told you before, but it slipped my mind."

The guy stared at me for a minute before nodding and waving me and Hidan in. I grabbed Hidan's ear and pulled him over to the others. "What do you have on you, fucker?"

"I ain't got shit on me." He snapped, wincing at my ear pulling. I punched him in the stomach and demanded that he tell me. He sighed and showed me a butcher's knife. I stared at him for a moment, seriously contemplating on killing him.

"Kakuzu." I began.

"Yes?" He wondered.

I glared at Hidan. "Please beat the shit out of your partner when we get a chance."

Kakuzu chuckled and smacked Hidan roughly upside the head. "With pleasure."

"Thank you love." I smiled. I grabbed Itachi's hand and, ignoring Hidan's swearing, look back towards my other idiots. Zetsu got through without any trouble and joined us and Konan was admitted a moment later after showing them a few of her piercings that made the detectors go off. She joined us as well.

Then it was Pein's turn.

He stood there calmly and walked through the scanner with it going off. He gestured to the piercings on his face when he was asked to stand aside. However, that wasn't what stopped the guy from checking over him. Pein had this superior, dangerous aura surrounding him that could only he could possess. His voice was full of the power and authority necessary to control a bunch of murderous criminals. He had every right and ability to be a god. Pein didn't even flinch or offer an explanation. He merely gazed at the worker with his awesome Rinnegan.

That is why he is the Leader of the Akatsuki.

And so, Pein joined us just as Tobi went to the scanner.

"Sir, you are going to have to take your mask off." The man stated.

"Tobi doesn't want to take his mask off!" Tobi panicked.

I hurried forward again. "He's very shy. He starts to panic without his mask. His mask isn't metal. He'll be alright." The worker nodded in understanding and waved Tobi forward. Tobi came in without an issue and glomped me. "Good boy Tobi." I praised,

Sasori stepped forward. It was at that time, I remembered the metal coil in his stomach. I smacked my forehead and Sasori gave me a small smirk. He stepped through without it going off. I blinked in surprise and made to question him but he shushed me quietly, grabbed my hand, and pulled me back towards the others.

"Good work, Sasori." Itachi praised.

"What did he do?" I asked.

Sasori patted my head. "I did what only a ninja could do, Alice." I looked around at the metal detector to see a knife embedded into the power cord. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"Good job Sasori." I smiled, looking at him.

He smirked. "I'm glad you think so."

"ALICE!" Kathryn said, zipping towards me. "We need Diamondback now!" Diamondback was one of the fastest rollarcoasters in the park. It was named after the snake I believe.

I looked at her before smirking. "No. We need Drop Zone." The Drop Zone, was a huge ass tower that took people up to incredible heights, only to drop them at random.

She laughed. "Let's do that last."

"Fair enough. But let's let them decide, shall we?" I asked.

She nodded. "Sounds good." She looked at Deidara. "Where do you want to go babe?"

Deidara shrugged and looked at his partner. "Any ideas, Sasori no Danna, un?"

"I demand that at some point, we go to White Water Canyon for Kisame." I said firmly, hugging my shark. He grinned and returned the gesture.

"What about that big ass thing?" Hidan suggested, pointing to a coaster called Face-Off. It was this face-to-face inverted rollercoaster. It was the only one in the mid-west which makes it all the more badass.

I laughed. "Alright. Decide who you want to sit by and across." And so, I began leading them to their very first rollercoaster.

The good thing about today, was that the park wasn't crowded at all, and it wasn't expected to be. This was good because I didn't want to have to wait in a long line, and I know the Akatsuki wouldn't, especially Sasori. So, when we made it to Face-Off we only had to wait for about five minutes before we were getting on.

I sat with Itachi, across from Kisame and Kakuzu. I was laughing my ass off, just thinking about their reactions and whatnot. I was so excited to witness this. Just… hopefully none of them puked.

"What's so funny, Alice?" Kisame asked, grinning at me.

"You guys are going to shit your pants." I snickered. "I'm so excited to see this."

Itachi blinked. "Alice, I'm sure we've gone through scarier situations before."

"Yes, but you've never been on one of these before." I countered.

And then, the ride started.

"Tobi is scared!" Tobi screamed. "Alice-chan!"

"What the fuck is this? Why am I facing the ground?" Hidan demanded.

Deidara was laughing happily along with Kathryn. Hidan and Sasori sat across from the couple. Pein and Konan sat across from Zetsu and Tobi.

Then we dropped.

I laughed my ass off because I could hear Tobi screaming bloody murder and Deidara was just laughing even harder. Kakuzu looked utterly bored, as did Itachi, but I saw them gripping the handles to their seats with death grips. Kisame was chuckling, and grinning.

When the ride was finally over, I met the idiots at the exit with my three cats. Kathryn came skipping towards me with a grinning Deidara, and annoyed looking Sasori, and Hidan. Hidan walked over to me and glared at me for a second before cackling madly.

"Let's do that again!" He shouted.

I made to comment, but was tackled by Tobi who was crying anime tears. Pein looked somewhat amused and Konan was smiling slightly. Zetsu looked a little excited. But that might have been because of all of the people.

He is a man eater after all…

"Alright, what about… Delirium?" I wondered when I finally calmed Tobi down. I told him big boys ride rollercoasters. And if he wanted to be a big, good boy, he had to man up and ride them. He was ecstatic…

"What is that?" Konan asked.

I threw my thumb over my shoulder towards a rotating pendulum type thing. "That is Delirium."

"Looks fun." Zetsu stated. "**Let's do it.**"

Kathryn grinned. "That's the spirit Zetsu! Let's go!"

Hidan elbowed Deidara. "Race you there, Blondie."

"You're on, un." Deidara smirked. He picked up Kathryn and swung her around to his back. "Come on, we're racing Hidan, un."

"Okay!" She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.

"No chakra running." I barked.

"Whatever." Hidan said dismissively. He grinned and the two of them shot forward.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "Idiots." And he started towards the ride. Kisame followed him with Zetsu and a now hyper looking Tobi. Pein patted my shoulder and he and Konan trailed after them. I shrugged, grabbed Itachi's hand and we quickly caught up to them.

When we reached the ride, Kathryn was smacking the crap out of Hidan and Deidara was glaring daggers at him. I rolled my eyes and joined them. "What happened?"

"Nothing." Hidan said quickly.

"Nothing my ass!" Kathryn snapped. "Momma! He-!"

Hidan covered her mouth and smiled hugely at me.

I raised my eyebrow. "Deidara?"

"He second based Kathryn, un." Deidara growled.

I looked at Deidara before looking at Hidan. "You want to die, don't you?" He paled and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. He made to comment, but I kicked him in the balls. I glared at him as he fell to his knees, holding his jewels. "Do not touch her, Hidan."

"Fuck you." He groaned.

"Walk it off tough guy." I said dismissively. "Come on."

On Delirium, I sat between Itachi and Sasori. Kathryn sat between Kisame and Deidara. Hidan was between the bomber and his partner. Pein and Konan sat on Sasori's other side respectively and Tobi and Zetsu sat near Konan.

The ride operator started the ride, and slowly, it began.

"I'm already bored." Sasori stated as the ride only moved a few feet as it rotated.

"It's building momentum, Sasori." I sighed. "Get over yourself."

He glared at me. "How about I throw you off of this thing?"

"I kind of wish you would so I didn't have to listen to your bitching and look at your ugly mug." I countered.

"It would be beneficial for me as well. Seeing as I would be rid of one of the idiots." Sasori stated.

"You are asking for it, Sasori." I threatened.

His eyes narrowed at me.

"Kathryn!" I called, looking around Itachi, Kisame, and Deidara.

She poked her head forward. "What Momma?"

"Do the freaky-freak." I ordered.

She laughed and mimed spanking someone. I copied her, laughing. All of the Akatsuki looked at us like we were insane.

We are…

Anyways, during our antics, we managed to drown out Tobi's screaming and Hidan's loud howling of excitement. The other people riding the ride with us were so confused and disturbed. When the ride ended and the Akatsuki were hyped up with adrenaline, everyone looked at us like we were insane.

Tobi was wobbling around dramatically and Hidan had gotten dizzy from the rotation.

We all road just about every other ride we could find after that. None of them threw up which I was proud of, but, a few did get sick and Sasori looked like he was going to break something after getting off one of the carnival type rides Deidara demanded we go on because it looked like fun.

Then… they found the bumper cars…

Jashin help me.

"Alright, we doing everyone for themselves or are we doing teams?" Kathryn asked.

"Fuck teams." I stated. "I'm kicking Sasori's ass."

Sasori crossed his arms. "I accept your challenge."

I laughed. "I'm totally going to win."

Itachi kissed the side of my head. "We shall see."

A few minutes later, we were admitted into the corral or whatever it's called and we all hurried to a bumper car. I watched Sasori slip into a red one on the far side of the course so I grabbed one facing him in the most direct path. I smirked and waited for them to allow us to race.

Then it started. I slammed my foot into the "gas" pedal and zoomed at Sasori with surprising speed. I crashed into his side, causing him to gawk in surprise. I laughed at his expression, completely missing the crazed zealot that was racing towards me.

He collided with my side, jarring me, the very second that Deidara crashed into my other side. Kakuzu crashed into Hidan and Pein rammed into Deidara, effectively making this a very intense pile up.

I was laughing my ass off at the thought of Kakuzu, Pein, Itachi, and Sasori in bumper cars and completely missed Sasori pulling away from our mess and spinning around to face me. I was torn out of my amusement at being rammed from behind by a grinning shark.

Laughing, I shot forward and plowed into Kathryn who had been chasing Zetsu at that point. Konan was just cruising around, minding her own business and Itachi was currently running into Kisame repeatedly. Tobi, was well… being Tobi. He had found the go pedal but his wheel was turned as far as it could go in one direction so he was effectively spinning in a circle, screaming his head off with excitement.

When our mess of cars and road rage ended, I had been defeated by Pein. After giving him a cheesy bow, I led the idiots to White Water Canyon which was basically this… water adventure. You had to travel for like 20 minutes through extreme woods to get to what must have been a river with fucking rapids and everything. Then you got to sit in a huge ass bumper car type thing without the car. There were twelve of us… thankfully these things could hold that many people **(1)**.

I sat between Itachi and Kisame and across from Sasori who was between Kathryn and Pein looking utterly annoyed. Hidan sat between Deidara and Kakuzu. Across from Hidan was Tobi who sat between Konan and Zetsu. In the middle, was a circular handle thing that could be used so you stayed inside the raft thing. Because… well nothing else was keeping you inside the raft.

"I have a feeling I'm going to get drenched…" Sasori growled.

I scoffed. "Really? Whatever gave you that idea? Surely it couldn't have been the fifteen fucking signs we saw on the way here that read 'You will get drenched'."

He glared at me. "I'll throw you in the damn water."

"You first, puppet bitch." I retorted smoothly.

"That's enough out of the pair of you." Pein scolded. "Just focus on not getting wet."

"That's what she said." I hissed quietly. Kisame laughed and patted my head. Kathryn giggled while Hidan and Deidara snickered. Pein gave me a look so I twitched at him. He chuckled.

"Yay!" Kathryn cheered. "Here we go!"

I saw Kisame's face brighten by about five notches.

He's so cute.

"I'm getting a very bad feeling about this." Itachi said with a sigh.

"You're getting that vibe too?" Kakuzu questioned, looking at his partner who was grinning his head off with Deidara.

"**We're feeling it too.**" Zetsu added.

"If I get wet, someone is going to die." Pein threatened.

I raised my hand. "I second that."

"Third it." Konan continued.

"I fourth it and enforce it." Sasori growled.

Kathryn giggled. "Party poopers!"

And so we continued down the rapids…

We all got drenched…

Deidara and Hidan got bored of sitting inside the raft, so they got out and were running on top of the water around us, trying to get each other with water. Kisame eventually joined them with Kathryn on his back and Tobi joined in soon after. The rest of us, were sitting there with deadpan expressions on as we were sprayed repeatedly with the water they were fighting with.

I have never been so annoyed in my life.

But, it's okay because as soon as we got off the ride, Pein brought down righteous judgment on all of the idiots beside Kathryn. Kakuzu preformed his own punishments after followed by Sasori, Zetsu, and then Itachi. Konan and I beat them just for shits and giggles.

"Alright bitches, Drop Zone time. Then we can go home and get out of these wet clothes." I announced.

"Sounds fucking good." Hidan grinned. He elbowed Deidara who picked Kathryn. Hidan then laughed, picked me up and the two ninjas ran in the direction of the drop zone with Kathryn and I on their backs.

As expected, there was a decently long line, so we sat off to the side and waited for the others to reach us. Once they did, we got in line and before we knew it, it was our turn to ride.

I sat in between Hidan and Itachi. I knew I was going to enjoy this. Tobi was only two seats away from me, and his overreactions were epic. But… I had a feeling all of them except for maybe Pein and Deidara were going to freak out. The Drop Zone is fucking scary.

Itachi noticed my laughing and raised his eyebrow at me. "What are you laughing about?"

"You guys are going to shit your pants." I laughed. "I'm so excited to see this."

Hidan scoffed. "What the fuck ever." He shivered with excitement when the ride began taking us up to incredible heights. I just snickered.

Sasori was ignoring Kathryn who was screaming in fear. She hated the Drop Zone and only got on because Deidara begged her to. Deidara was enjoying the height and Sasori was tense. Pein was bored and stoic and Konan was looking around curiously. Kakuzu had his eyes closed and was doing his best to ignore his partner and Tobi who he was in between. Zetsu was arguing with himself.

Kisame was looking around, kicking his feet absently and Itachi was looking around at all of the rides and the ground below us.

I just closed my eyes and smiled as the ride locked into place at the top. We sat there for a time, letting everyone simmer in the extreme height.

And then we dropped.

"HOLY FUCKING SHITTTT~!" Hidan screamed. I laughed at hearing his scream as well as Tobi's shriek of fear on top of Kathryn's. Deidara was whooping loudly. Sasori apparently was swearing up a storm. Pein was still bored. Kakuzu was tense as shit. Zetsu just yelled fuck. Konan squeaked in fear. Itachi locked up and Kisame was snickering and laughing as he swore.

When I got off, I waited for them by the exit and grinned as they all walked towards me.

"So?" I questioned. "How was it?"

"DON'T MAKE ME GET ON THAT FUCKING THING AGAIN!" Sasori, Hidan, Kathryn, and Tobi yelled at me.

Deidara hopped over to me. "Let's do it again, un!"

"No. I am cold and wet and I want to sleep." Pein said firmly. "Let's go."

"You heard the man." I stated. "Sorry Dei. We'll come back sometime soon and me and you will ride it together."

"Yes un!" Deidara laughed.

"Of course… I could always take us up to Six Flags and we could ride their rides." I mused.

"NO!" Kathryn screamed. She threw herself on Deidara. "Scary rides!"

I smiled and latched onto Itachi who appeared at my side. "Whatever. Let's go. I need a shower."

"Wait a second." Kathryn began.

I looked back at her as we walked towards the car. "What?"

"WHY THE FUCK AREN'T YOU GUYS KITTENS?" She demanded.

* * *

><p><em>Good question Kathryn... Idk why. I remembered they turned into Kittens after having written the whole damn thing and I didn't feel like changing it.<em>

_Just... use your imagination._

**1. **_I actually believe they can only hold eight people... or like 10 or something, but I don't care. My story. I do what I want.__  
><em>

_Thank you so much _Avenging Pineapple Dreamer _for the amazing oneshot. I seriously love it and I read it about once every other dayXD All of you, go and read it._

_Well, I have a few other oneshots to do, so I'll be working on those this weekend. Don't worry. I'll still update MIMTK on Monday as always._

_Good day dearies:)_


	10. Chapter 10

_3 OC warning._

_This is for _TearsOfTheFallen _who drew me some fanart of Alice._

_Her OC Etsuko meets Alice and Kathryn._

_I hope you enjoy it dear._

_I literally wrote this in... like... _15 _or so minutes._

_I own nothing but Alice and Kathryn._

* * *

><p>"I wonder why Pein sent this many people out here…" Kisame mused, looking over our group. Kathryn, Sasori, Kisame, Itachi, and I were going out to the nearby village for some supplies while Deidara went with Kakuzu, Hidan, and Tobi to a different one for other supplies.<p>

"I have no idea." Sasori stated. "What I'm curious about is why Kathryn didn't go with Deidara."

I looked at him like he was insane. "Think about it: Kathryn, Deidara, Tobi, and Hidan together without my or your supervision Sasori."

He paled at the thought. "Good point. Kakuzu would be dead."

"Or they would be." Itachi commented. "His temper gets a little… extreme."

"That's because Kakuzu is a greedy Jew!" Kathryn grinned as she jumped on Sasori from behind. "Right Danna?"

"Right." He said dismissively.

Kisame snickered. "Well, let's just get this over with."

"I know." I sighed. "I can only handle looking at Sasori for so long before I start gagging."

And so, the sarcasm battle began. Sasori and I were suddenly oblivious to the others as we ranted and insulted each other repeatedly without hesitation. We were so into it that we didn't notice Kisame and Itachi leaving us there so they could hurry up and finish the mission. Kathryn stood a few feet away, looking back and forth between us as we went off to Sarcasm Island.

"Alice! Danna!" Kathryn snapped, gaining our attention as our sarcasm argument threatened to get violent.

"What?" We both snapped in unison, looking at her.

She frowned at our collaborated glare before pointing off towards the woods. "Someone is walking towards us."

Sasori and I both exchanged a look before looking towards the woods. Sure enough, there was a shorter girl with light blue hair, wearing a black overcoat, black pants, black shoes, and a blue shirt. She was smiling happily as she walked towards us.

"Ah. It's Etsuko. I was wondering when she would come back." Sasori mused.

I looked at him. "You know her?"

"I do. She's a very close ally of mine. I'd almost consider calling her a friend." Sasori stated with a small smirk. Was that… affection I saw in his puppet gaze?

I scoffed. "You don't have friends Sasori. You're too much of an asshole."

He smacked the back of my head and ordered me to shut up. I pouted but obeyed. Instead, I watched as she approached. She stopped a few feet from us and smiled, waving a bit. "Hi Sasori."

"Hello Etsuko." Sasori said with a small dip of his head. "It's good to see you. I was wondering when you would come."

She rubbed the back of her head sheepishly. I noticed she had a long katana strapped to her back as well as what appeared to be an ANBU mask on her back. "Sorry about that. I had a bit of a delay."

Sasori waved away her excuse. "Etsuko, this is Kathryn. She's Deidara's girlfriend." He placed his hand on Kathryn's shoulder. He then placed his hand on top of my head and rumpled my hair. "And this is Alice. She is Itachi's."

Etsuko bowed slightly. "It's very nice to meet you."

"Likewise." I smirked. "So, how exactly do you handle being Sasori's friend? I can barely stand being in the same room as him."

She laughed good-naturedly and shrugged. "I have my doubts sometimes, but it comes with practice."

Sasori frowned. "You're hilarious."

"Oh Danna, don't be so frowny." Kathryn giggled. She bounced over to Etsuko and bent over slightly to beam in her face. "It's super nice to meet you. Any friend of my Danna is a friend of mine!"

She smiled. "Likewise. It's good to see Sasori actually has some female contact other than myself."

"He has Deidara." I countered.

Etsuko laughed. "Well played. Though, I think Deidara is a little to gender confused to be considered female contact."

I snickered and looked at Sasori. "I like her. Can we keep her?"

"Sure." He said dismissively.

"Awesome." I laughed. "I have someone else to have some sarcastic fun with."

"It sounds like fun." She giggled.

Kathryn pouted. "Now we'll never get a moment of peace."

"You non-sarcastic people are becoming a minority." I snickered.

Sasori told me to shut up again before looking at his "friend". He crossed his arms and looked over her. "So do you have information for me, or have you just returned because you missed me?"

"Both actually." She retorted smoothly. She offered him a scroll which he accepted with a thankful dip of his head. "And I missed looking at your adorable face."

"Who doesn't?" He questioned, smirking at her.

I coughed and raised my hand but he shot me a glare which made me laugh. Kathryn told him he was extremely adorable and that she agreed with Etsuko who she wanted to keep just like me because she appreciated smexy-man art just like she did.

"Men are not art, Kathryn." Sasori scolded. "Art is eternal."

"Yes, but _you're_ eternal. And _you_ are a smexy man." Kathryn countered. "Therefore," she pointed at him with a proud smile, "smexy-man art."

"Can't argue with that logic my friend." I laughed. Sasori rolled his eyes. Before he could comment, I continued. "I personally believe that smexy-man art is the most amazing kind of art there is. However, my favorite piece just so happens to be a sexy weasel with black hair and the Sharingan."

Etsuko laughed. "I think I'll stick with a redheaded puppet."

I snickered. "You do that. He's a fine piece of work too."

"I like my blond terrorist with hand mouths." Kathryn beamed, rocking back and forth from her spot on the ground near Sasori's feet.

"Females." Sasori sighed with a shake of his head.

"I think the female body is disgusting, but that's just me." I began. "Now, I understand love is love and gender and shit doesn't matter. Love whoever and/or whatever you want, but if you're a female, stay away from me." I crossed my arms. "Female/female love is alright as long as it's away from me. Heterosexual relationships are all fine and dandy with me considering I'm in one. But, I'd rather not watch."

Kathryn started laughing. Etsuko was snickering and Sasori was just staring at me.

"But… there is something about two men being madly in love and fucking the hell out of each other that just entertains me to no end." I finished.

"Alice." The sexy voice of my weasel said from behind me.

"Oh hi Itachi." I smirked, turning around to face him.

He stared at me. "When we get home, you and I are going to have a talk about your little problem."

I waved him off dismissively. "Yeah whatever." Then I smiled as I remembered something. I grabbed Etsuko and pulled her into a one-armed side hug. "This is Etsuko. She's sarcastic, sweet, and her and Sasori have the hots for each other so I demand we keep her."

Itachi blinked. "Alice. You need to calm down."

"I am calm." I countered. "Kisame, stop laughing!"

Kisame who had been laughing his ass off since he returned just kept laughing.

"I know who Etsuko is. She's one of Sasori's subordinates. She's retrieved us quite a bit of information over the years." Itachi stated. "And she isn't a pet. You cannot just keep her."

I raised my eyebrow at him. "I begged to differ. I do what I want." I threw my thumb in Sasori's direction. "Besides, Sasori needs intimate love that isn't in the form of a hyperactive blond who is almost a foot taller than him."

"I hate you." Sasori snapped.

"Awe, that's sweet." I smiled. "I love you too Loofa!"

Etsuko looked confused. "Loofa?"

"Don't ask." Sasori deadpanned. "Alice is a weirdo."

"Takes one to know one." I snapped. I looked at Etsuko. "It's just a little nickname I gave our favorite puppet."

She cocked her head to the side. "What is a Loofa?"

"A sponge you use to clean yourself in a bath or shower." Kathryn informed her.

Etsuko blinked. "That sounds dirty."

I froze and looked over the others. "I love this girl. I demand that we keep her."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Let's just go back to the base."

Etsuko raised her eyebrows as she looked towards the village Kisame and Itachi came from. "Why are their people running towards us?"

Kisame coughed guiltily. "They must have noticed we stole basically an entire store…"

Sasori began walking briskly in the direction of the base. "Time to go."

* * *

><p><em>Forgive me for the... lack of... awesomeness I guess.<em>

_I'm not really in the mood for this sort of thing right now. So Sam/Jeen, whatever you want to be called, I hope you enjoyed it. :)_

_She drew me lovely fanart. I'll be uploading the link on my profile today if I haven't already so all of you go look at it. It's bootyful._

_And now, I take my leave._

_Bye~_


	11. Chapter 11

_I did this bitch in twenty minutes flat._

_Yeah, suck on them apples._

_Three OC warning. Alice, Kathryn, and _Akatsuki's a bang_'s OC Lauren._

_She made me fanart and I owe this to her from like a bazillion years ago (Not really only like August)_

_I don't own Naruto or Lauren. I hope you enjoy, Dearie._

* * *

><p>Sasori sighed, running a hand through his hair. He hated the fact that even so many years after making himself a puppet, becoming a true work of art, he still felt human emotions on occasion.<p>

There he was, sitting inside his workshop talking with one of his subordinates when he started feeling a strange sensation in his stomach as he watched her. The curly brown hair that reached the middle of her back reflected the firelight above his desk beautifully and her strangely colored eyes sparkled even in the near darkness of the room.

Suppressing a snort at his sappiness, he shook his head and blinked, attempting to focus on what Lauren was telling him. She was holding a wonderfully drawn nature scene and discussing the shading methods she used to try and duplicate the beauty of the lighting when she drew the picture.

He nodded, finally catching what she said. "It looks good, kid. You have a talent, one that far exceeds my idiotic partner's."

Lauren smiled, winding him with an emotion he hadn't quite grasped. "Thanks Sasori. I appreciate it. Though, Deidara is Deidara after all."

"He's an immature brat." Sasori said dismissively.

Lauren smirked a bit, recognizing the hint of fondness in Sasori's tone as he spoke of his blond partner.

"DANNA!" A familiar voice called. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"

Sasori's eyebrow twitched. "Shut up Kathryn! I'm busy!"

A sarcastic laugh ripped through the silence. "Are you and Laruen getting busy Sasori?" Alice called. "You better use protection!"

Lauren blushed but covered up the slight embarrassment with a laugh. Sasori just sighed and rolled his eyes. He crossed his arms and looked at Lauren. "Excuse them. They have nothing better to do than annoy me since their boyfriends are sparring."

"The fact you aren't denying me means you have the hots for her!" Alice called. "Don't be scared of rejection Sasori! She wants your body too!"

"Alice! Do not make me come out there!" Sasori barked.

"Bring it, bitch!" Alice cackled. "Just don't come out here naked!"

Lauren snickered. "They're quiet the pair. Alice is amusing."

"Indeed. The fact that you appreciate the humor is impressive. Most people don't understand it, yet you do." Sasori pointed out. "I applaud you."

Lauren rolled her eyes. "Thanks."

He chuckled. "You're welcome."

"So…" Lauren began. "How have you been? It's been a while since I last saw you."

Sasori shrugged. "Alright I suppose. It's been rather dull here at the base, but it's nice to not be traveling on missions all the time." He cocked his head to the side curiously. "You?"

"Pst! Ask her if she like romantic, candlelit dinners!" Alice hissed through the hole she and Deidara had formed in the wall a few weeks previously. Sasori had attempted to close the hole, but enough of it still remained so one could talk through it. He had it covered up with a drawing of human anatomy.

Sasori frowned at the sound of Alice's voice and he discreetly threw a notebook at the wall. Her snickering at his methods was heard a second later.

"I've been good." Lauren smiled. "Traveling is fun and I've come across a lot of things to draw. Not to mention, I've met some really cool people."

"Uh oh. You've got some competition, Sasori." Alice whispered.

"Danna!" Kathryn whispered. "Compliment her hair! Say it's gotten longer since the last time you saw her and its pretty!"

Sasori rolled his eyes and decided to humor his brat. "Your hair has gotten longer since the last time I saw you."

Lauren blinked and twisted a lock between her fingers. "Yeah, I suppose it has. I've been intending on getting it trimmed."

Sasori shook his head and grabbed a strand, running his fingers through it. "No. I like it. I think it's beautiful."

"Awe!" Kathryn cooed.

"Get some Sasori!" Alice cheered. "Go for a boob grab."

Lauren blushed, something Sasori found truly beautiful. "Thanks. I appreciate it."

Sasori chuckled. "You're welcome."

"Tell her that her skin has gotten tanner and it looks really good!" Kathryn hissed. "Come on Danna, lay on the compliments. Girls love it when you compliment them."

Sasori hummed. "You have a tan now too I see."

"Being outside in the sun a lot will do that too you." Lauren shrugged with a smirk.

"You look good with a tan." Sasori stated, mentally kicking himself for how cheesy he sounded. He could hear Alice cracking up in the next room and he made a mental note to himself to beat the shit out of her the next time he saw her.

Lauren's blush increased. "Well thanks for the compliment."

"My pleasure." Sasori said dismissively. His eyes narrowed as thundering footsteps sounded through the halls. He knew those footsteps and he knew what they entailed when they sounded so excited.

"Alice, un!" Deidara shouted.

"Oh shit!" Alice yelped. Sasori tensed as a sudden boom sounded from the room behind him and he stood, preparing to turn around and yell at them when suddenly, the small hole in the wall was made larger by Alice tackling Deidara through it.

Deidara crashed into Sasori, knocking him forward and into Lauren, their lips met in the process initiating a very accidental yet not at all unwelcome kiss.

Sasori grabbed Lauren as they tumbled towards the ground and rolled reflectively so she wouldn't hurt herself on the cold, hard floor. Instead, he cracked into the floor and Lauren landed on top of him, their lips still touching.

"Ouch!" Deidara growled as the dust settled around them.

"Fuck you Deidara and your yellow hair." Alice grunted, rolling off of him so she could get up. "Shit… Sasori's going to murder us." She then blinked and looked around for the puppet, her jaw dropping when she finally found him.

Sasori and Lauren were staring at each other, still kissing. She was straddling him in a very provocative position and Sasori was holding onto her, showing no signs of letting her go. Alice stared at them for a minute before she started laughing.

"Holy shit!" She cackled. "That's priceless! Get some Sasori!"

Kathryn skipped into the room and squealed as soon as she saw the pair. "Awe! That's so cute! You are Lauren are so sweet, Danna!"

Deidara gawked. "Wow Danna. I didn't know you had it in you, yeah."

Sasori blinked and relaxed his grip on Lauren, allowing her to pull away from him and break the kiss. He stared at her for a second longer, smirking at her before his smirk vanished and he turned his head to glare at his brats and Alice.

"Uh oh." Alice muttered.

"I'm going to give you to the count of three, to get the fuck out of my workshop and hide before I hunt you down and use your bodies for my next masterpiece!" Sasori snarled.

Alice was on her feet in seconds and had already sprinted from the room, begging Sasori not to kill her and calling for Itachi for protection. Kathryn chased after her while Deidara glared at his Danna, completely unfazed by the threat.

"Danna!" Deidara barked, an angry expression breaking out on his face. "Art is a bang, un!"

Lauren just started laughing.

* * *

><p><em>YaY! Twenty minutes of literally bullshitting something!<em>

_I hope you like it Lauren because this is all I got for you. I'm not all that good with the random fall in love in five lines oneshots and because it is only a oneshot, I can't make it like ten years long in order to build the character more and their relationship. So, this is what you get. :)_


	12. Chapter 12

_This was written in about fifteen minutes._

_One OC warning. Written for _Junsei-Ichi_ because she made me fanart._

_She wanted some Tobi action._

_Hope you enjoy it deary. I own no characters used._

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><p>If there was one thing Madara loved doing, it was annoying the members of the organization Akatsuki. The freedom he had with being an insufferable idiot as Tobi was so entertaining. From making Deidara homicidal to causing Itachi to snap his emotionless façade, he never got tired of screwing with his coworkers.<p>

He even loved messing with the new girl. Her black and red hair always ended up being something he messed with. She was hard to annoy, but she did glare at him when he undid the ponytail she always supported.

However, that was all she did. Glare. He wanted her to get mad at him. He wanted to cause trouble and annoy the others just to test their limits. He loved testing them and their anger amused him to no end.

Today though, he was determined to find out what made her tick. If that meant he had to rip Deidara's arms off and beat her with them, he would do it. Besides, he owed Deidara a good smack or two for the clay he shoved in his toilet the other day.

Whistling a merry tune, Tobi skipped down the hallways near the bedrooms, searching for the one that read: Karuki Aisuru. She was his target and he would make her explode.

"Karuki-chan~!" Tobi called as he pounded on her door at a volume that was much too loud. "Karuki-chan! Come play with Tobi!"

"Tobi!" Kisame snapped from a few rooms down. "Shut up! Some of us are trying to sleep!"

"Yes, and yelling at him to stop is helping no one Kisame. By the way, it is your turn to make breakfast." Itachi replied calmly as he emerged from his room. He was always an early riser. "Tobi, keep it down."

"Okay Itachi-san!" Tobi said cheerfully in what Kisame called his outside voice.

"Inside voices you little pest." Kisame growled, stomping from his own room in naught but a pair of baggy pants.

Tobi snickered and mimed whispering. "Sorry Kisame-san!"

Kisame rolled his eyes and trailed after his stoic partner, fully intending on heading to the kitchen.

"Karuki-chan!" Tobi called again in his loud voice. "Open up!"

The door was ripped open and a very irritated Karuki marched out. "What Tobi?"

"Come play with Tobi!" Tobi cheered. He grabbed her hand without waiting for her approval and dragged her down the hallway.

Tobi then began his list of things he knew annoyed people. He messed up her hair, 'accidentally' sprayed her with water, he covered her with food at breakfast, and when she was in the shower cleaning herself up, he stormed into the bathroom and talked to her animatedly about ponies and other random things just to annoy her.

His antics continued through the day and his targeting of the new girl did not go unnoticed.

"I've noticed the annoying shithead has been going after the new chick." Hidan grunted from his spot on the couch.

"I know, un." Deidara stated. "I almost feel bad for her, and then I remember that he's not bothering me when he's annoying her, un."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "I'm pleased because she has yet to cause costly damage to my base like you do daily, Deidara."

"He's annoying, un." Deidara pouted.

"KARUKI-CHAN IS A GIRL!" Tobi demanded.

"TOBI!" Karuki screamed. "GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM!"

Tobi yelled loudly and ran into the kitchen, covering his eyehole and waving his free arm pathetically. He was shouting loudly about how he was a good boy and didn't want to be a bad boy for seeing a girl naked.

As he was whining, Karuki stomped to the living room, now fully clothed, and punched Tobi in the head. "You stupid idiot!"

"Tobi is a good boy!" Tobi whined. Meanwhile, Madara was laughing internally about the cute blush spread across her face and the fact that she was actually either very angry, or extremely embarrassed. Potentially a mixture of both.

"No you're not!" Karuki growled. She drew back her fist and punched him in the mouth, breaking the bottom of the mask. The three Akastuki members sitting in the living room both looked shock that she had actually managed to land a hit on the hyperactive idiot.

Tobi gasped and cried loudly about his mouth and the fact that his favorite mask was broken and made a big deal of running to get a new one when Madara suddenly got a very interesting idea.

He made to run forward in his hyper Tobi persona and 'tripped' over air. He stumbled forward into Karuki, his hands waving blindly and his mouth exposed. With purposeful accuracy, Tobi's lips met a shocked Karuki's and his hand conveniently found purchase on her breasts in order to stabilize himself.

Deidara, Kakuzu, and Hidan all stared.

Karuki had frozen in shock as she stared at the bright orange of Tobi's mask and the dark shadow of the eyehole.

Tobi straightened up and patted Karuki's shoulder. "Sorry Karuki-chan! Tobi almost fell! Thanks for catching Tobi!"

Madara then made a show of wiping his mouth victoriously, and marching down the hall with a proud strut in his step. Hidan and Deidara snorted with laughter while Kakuzu just chuckled.

Karuki unfroze and she turned to glare at the man with the now broken orange mask. "Tobi…"

Tobi looked around. "Yes Karuki-chan?"

"I'm going to kill you!" She screamed, charging after him.

Tobi screamed in fear and took off down the hallway, arms flailing widely as he tried to outrun the infuriated ninja. Madara was internally doing a victory dance at pissing her off and laughing about her reactions.

As Karuki chased Tobi down the hallway, they sped by Itachi and Kisame. Both looked after the fast moving Shinobi.

"What do you think happened?" Kisame asked.

Itachi rolled his eyes. "I think it's better that we not know, Kisame."

"DON'T HURT TOBI!" Tobi cried.

"I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

* * *

><p><em>You people who get oneshots from me will eventually regret not being specific with me:)<em>

_You ask for a least a kiss. I make it embarrassing and accidental with no emotional backing behind it. You ask for some bonding time and I give you bonding fit for waring nations. Unless you tell me specifically what you want, you have to deal with my impulsive writingXD_

_I hope you enjoyed, Junsei because this is all I have for you._

_Two oneshots in a day? I'm on a role. I think I have three more left._


	13. Halloween Part 1

_Here's a little Halloween present. You guys can thank _riptocs _for talking me into doing this.  
><em>

_It's part one of a two piece present._

_OC warning. This is in our world._

_Enjoy lovelies. I own nothing._

* * *

><p>"Yo, bitches." I called as I plopped onto the couch between Itachi and Kisame as usual. "There's a 99% chance that I'm staying at school all day tomorrow."<p>

Hidan glared at me. "So what the fuck are we supposed to do?"

I smirked. "You all will be coming with us."

"Wait… what?" Pein asked, shocked by my announcement. Usually I was so adamant about them staying away from my school. However, this time, I needed some entertainment that would come with their presence in an educational facility.

"You guys are coming to school with me and Kathryn." I repeated. "Tomorrow is Halloween which is an immensely entertaining holiday which Tobi, Itachi, and the rest of you kiddies with a sweet tooth will love." I looked at the pierced ginger. "Unless you demand to stay home, I'm making you go with me."

Konan raised her right eyebrow. "What does this entail, exactly?"

Kathryn shifted in her spot on Deidara's lap to face the blue haired woman. "You get to dress up as random shit and run around school basically doing nothing. That's why you guys get to come with us. At our school, if your costume is good enough, you get to skip class and run rampant around the school. Well, depending on the teacher. And since Alice only has three classes, all of which are taught by the cool teachers, you guys get to stick with her if one of my teachers decides to be an asshole and keep me in class."

"Dress up?" Sasori questioned.

"Yeah." I nodded. I got off the couch and ripped open one of the closest in the room. I pulled out an Akatsuki cloak and presented it. "Last year, I wore one of these."

Itachi sighed and Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "So, do you expect us to wear our uniforms?"

"Not at all." I scoffed, returning the cloak to the closet and walking back towards the couch. "The only ones that are allowed to dress up as Akatsuki members are Zetsu, Pein, and potentially Konan if she wants to. The rest of you have to be something else."

Kathryn grinned. "This will be so much fun."

"What are you being, Alice?" Kisame asked, prodding my head from where he sat.

I looked at him and smirked. "A ninja."

They all stared at me meaningfully.

I sighed as I realized why they were staring at me. "No. I mean like a legitimate ninja."

"We aren't legitimate?" Zetsu asked. "**I find that offensive.**"

"You guys don't count. I mean, like real ninjas from this world. The kind that wear all black and the only thing you can see of their bodies is their eyes. They roll around on floors and slink along the shadows like epic badasses. You guys walk into places like you own them and then blow shit up." I looked at Deidara meaningfully.

Itachi frowned. "So, an ANBU?"

"Kind of, but less silver and skin." I shrugged. "And I don't want to wear one of those silly masks. I'll just run around in all black."

"Like you do half the fucking time anyways?" Hidan pressed.

"Fuck you. The important thing is figuring out what you guys are going to be." I sighed.

Kathryn giggled. "I can't wait to see this." She pointed at Itachi. "He totally has to be Dracula."

I snorted. "Kakuzu has to be Frankenstein's monster and Hidan can be Frankenstein."

Tobi thrust his hand into the air. "What can Tobi be?"

"A piece of candy." Kathryn and I said in unison.

"Yay!" Tobi cheered. "What does Tobi have to wear?"

"Kathryn… You need to make Tobi a lollipop costume." I ordered, staring at Tobi.

Kathryn saluted me. "I will get started immediately."

"What the hell is the shit you told us we had to be?" Hidan demanded.

"Dracula is a vampire. The most famous and badass one." I explained.

"And Frankenstein is a mad scientist who made a being from dead body parts." Kathryn added.

Kakuzu sighed. "I better not have to pay any money for this."

"You won't." I promised. "In fact, if you play the part well enough, you might be able to make a profit off of it. All you have to do is charge people money to take pictures of you or with you."

He blinked. "Good idea, Alice."

I shrugged. "It's a gift." I looked at Kisame. "What do you want to be?"

"I dunno." He shrugged.

Kathryn came over to stand beside me and in front of my shark. She pretended to stroke an imaginary beard before smirking. "I feel like he would be an incredible mummy."

I crossed my arms and looked at Kisame, contemplating. He just grinned at us and our methods of staring him down while we pictured him as a mummy.

"I agree." I nodded. "Kisame, you get to be a mummy. Or you can be a zombie."

"Wouldn't Hidan be a better zombie?" Konan asked.

I looked over my shoulder at the zealot. "You know what, you're right. Hidan, you're a zombie. I've changed my mind."

He shrugged. "What the fuck ever."

"Kisa, you can be a mummy still." I smiled at him.

He just chuckled. "Alright."

"What are you being Kathryn, un?" Deidara asked.

She beamed at him. "An adorable witch!" She hugged herself. "The outfit is so cute." She pointed at Konan. "Konan! Be a witch with me! You would look so cute!"

Konan smiled. "If you want me to be."

"Deidara, I've decided that you get to be Link from The Legend of Zelda. Louis has the costume that he never wore still. He was going to be Link last year but decided on running around naked instead." I explained, shuddering at the memory.

Kathryn gawked. "He would look _so __**sexy**_ as Link…" She pointed at Sasori. "He can be a puppet, or Gaara."

Sasori sighed. "How original." Then he frowned. "Wait. Gaara is the jinchūriki brat isn't he?"

"Yep." I smiled. "Pick."

"Or you can be a kitty! You would be such a cute kitty Danna!" Kathryn whined. "We just need to get you kitten ears and a tail or you can henge them on!"

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Whatever you want brat. I will do nothing humiliating though. And I refuse to be that brat Gaara. I'm already a puppet so it doesn't count."

"Kitty then!" Kathryn decided. "Pein-sama should be a werewolf."

"No." He deadpanned.

Kathryn pouted. "Then what are you going to be?"

"I will be myself." He said firmly.

"No fun." I sighed. "But, he is Leader. What Leader says goes." I looked around at our last member. "Zetsu?"

"I'll just be myself." He stated. "**We aren't dressing up as anything.**"

"Fair enough." I stated. "Now it's time for rules."

Deidara sighed. "What now, un?"

"No killing, no cussing, no sacrificing, no eating, no almighty-pushing, no sharinganing, no injuring, no fighting. You will listen to me and Pein. You will not listen to Kathryn. You will not leave my side unless I believe I can trust you. You will not tell people your real names. Go with what we've given you. And last but not least, please, for the love of Jashin, do not use your chakra." I instructed. "Have fun too. But not too much fun."

Kathryn jumped. "Yosh! Let's get you guys spooked up!"

* * *

><p>"I can't believe I let you guys talk me into this…" Sasori growled as his tail twitched. He was a cat now, having henged the feline ears and a rusty red tail. He looked utterly annoyed as he rode in my Hummer in the seat behind me.<p>

That morning, after seeing himself in the mirror, he had ranted about how degrading it was and almost denied doing it. But Kathryn threw a fit so he gave in to appease her. He wore clothing that was the same color as his hair and now looked just like a kitty.

"You're so cute Danna." Kathryn promised him, nuzzling his head from her spot on Deidara's lap. She wore the most slutty witch costume I have ever seen. I swear I blew a gasket when I saw how much skin she was revealing. Though I think Deidara, Hidan, and Kisame appreciated it.

"Yeah Sasori no Danna." Deidara smirked. "You look fine. Very cuddly, yeah."

"Shut up brat. You look like a fairy." Sasori snapped.

Deidara looked like a Link with extremely long hair. He pulled it off well actually and Kathryn almost raped him earlier. I was proud of him for filling out Link so well.

"I think your skirt might be shorter than Kathryn's." Kisame snickered from the back seat. He was covered in bandages and was filling the mummy costume Kathryn and I forced him into very nicely. He didn't complain at all, especially when I went off on a rant about how sexy he looked.

A lot of his muscles were being revealed and basically, he was only wearing shorts besides the excessive bandages he was wrapped in. I am not complaining either. Kisame looked good. And by good I mean rapeable.

"Fuck you Kisame, un!" Deidara growled.

"Don't be pissy because you and your girlfriend dress like sluts, Blondie." Hidan cackled as he smeared more blood on his face near his mouth. He was a zombie and he was true to its name. Most of the blood on him was his own blood, thus, very real looking. He did have one wound that he didn't let heal. However, that was the only one I permitted. He was wearing a ripped shirt and torn jeans, looking very zombified.

I glared back at him. "Hidan. Watch it."

"I can't take you seriously with your face covered up like that, Alice." Kakuzu chuckled. If you've ever read the Frankenstein book, you could imagine what Kakuzu looked like at that moment. He had hidden his masks, leaving the stitching visible under the tattered clothes we found him. He looked just like how I imagined the Monster, just ten times more sexy and appealing. And badass…

I was basically wearing a thicker version of a morph-suit, but I had arranged it so that my eyes were visible. Everything else was covered in black. On my back, I had a fake katana and Konan made me a bunch of ninja stars to throw at people.

"Yeah, shut it." I pouted.

"Your pout isn't as effective in the suit." Konan told me with a giggle. She too wore a witches costume but hers was a lot more modest than Kathryn's. She wore all black with a black hat and Kathryn had given her a stuffed black kitten. Sasori was her kitten so she didn't have a stuffed toy.

He was not happy about that fact.

"Shh." I hissed.

Pein sat up front beside me, shaking his head at out antics and picking at the loose strings on his Akatsuki cloak. He was dressing as himself just like Zetsu. He had stolen his own Akatsuki cloak last night and I just let it pass. I didn't mind and I knew it was too late to return it.

"So… what do we do when we get there?" Itachi asked, inspecting the sharpness of the fangs he henged. He was Dracula, and the sexiest Dracula I had ever seen. I gave him one of the capes I had in my closet as well and he henged the teeth. The rest of the costume was found throughout the house. I would have raped him had I not been worried about messing up his costume.

"Uh…" I began as I pulled into a parking spot. "We'll go to my first period class so Kat and I can be logged in for attendance. Then, once Mr. Nau has had enough of us, we can go elsewhere and do random shit. No one does anything academic today so we won't get in trouble for fucking with people in different classes." I parked and shut off the vehicle before looking around at the criminals and Kathryn. "Be prepared to get hit on a lot."

Once I got out of my car, Tobi and Zetsu joined us. Zetsu looked bored in his Akatsuki cloak and Tobi appeared thrilled with his costume. He was wearing all white clothing with a few random spirals of color going towards his head. However, his mask was not the typical orange mask. It was rainbow swirled with a single hole for his eye.

He looked so goofy.

"Alright troops." I began. "Let's roll."

"You know…" Kathryn mused as we made our way towards the school. "Now that I think about it, Konan should have been a piece of paper…"

Deidara laughed. "That's a good idea, un."

Konan laughed and shook her head. "That wouldn't be very fun, Kathryn."

I shrugged. "Two years ago, I was a tin can. I just walked around in a tin can all day with a silver hat that looked like a can tab. Sethy-Poo eventually drew Chief Boyardee on it with a permanent marker."

Kisame chuckled and patted my head. "That's because you're Alice."

"Tobi is excited for candy!" Tobi cheered.

"I personally want to see what everyone else is wearing." Kathryn grinned.

Kakuzu sighed. "I just want to leave."

"Shut up you big asshole." Hidan laughed. "It's about time we're actually allowed out of that fucking house."

I glanced at him. "If any of you decide you want to go home you have to clear it with me and Pein. Pein, if you, Konan, Tobi, and Zetsu decide to leave sometime before the end of the day, just let me know so I'm not having a heart attack trying to find you."

Pein dipped his head. "We will probably use this opportunity to scout the area you live in. Do not expect to see the four of us very much."

"Fair enough." I shrugged. "The rest of you have to stay."

Sasori glared at me. "Why?"

"Because you have to suffer with me." I smiled, tugging on his tail. I scurried away from him before he could hit me to hide behind my sexy vampire. Itachi chuckled quietly and allowed me to cuddle against him under the cloak.

"Oh my god! Is that a Pein cosplayer?" A scream demanded. "AH! There's a Zetsu too!"

I looked down the hallway to see a pair of freshman sprinting down the hallway towards us. Pein looked really irritated and Zetsu appeared suddenly hungry. Sensing danger, I stepped in front of the girls and crossed my arms, projecting my bitch aura.

"Yo, freshies, hold up." I called. "You can't just randomly attack people."

"Is that Alice?" One of them asked. I sighed, realizing that one of them recognized me from band.

I nodded. "Yes."

"You attack people all the time." She pointed out.

I face-palmed. "True, but, I don't attack people who are in character and could possibly rip my head off." I threw my thumb towards Pein and Zetsu. "They're in character right now. Not to mention, they're not the touchy-feely type."

"Damn." One of the girls pouted.

"Shoo." I ordered, waving them away. They sighed dejectedly before walking the other way back to the freshman hallway. Shaking my head at their antics, I looked back at Pein and Zetsu. "Yeah… that's going to happen a lot."

Pein frowned. "Zetsu and I will be surveying the area then." He glanced over his shoulder. "Tobi?"

"Tobi will come!" Tobi announced. "But, Tobi wants candy first!"

"Come back around lunch time. That way you guys can eat." I told them. "Tobi, come with me to my classroom and I'll steal some candy for you."

Tobi leaped at me in a hug and knocked me to the ground as he hugged me. "Thank you Alice-chan!"

"Can't… breathe… Tobi…" I muttered into his chest.

"Get the fuck off of her you moron, un." Deidara growled, kicking Tobi away from me. Hidan grabbed me when Tobi was removed from my person and he lifted me to my feet.

Kathryn bounced around us before glomping Sasori. "Come on kitty and company!" She pulled her artists down the hallway. "Let's go get some candy so the serious people can go."

Konan looked at Pein as we walked toward my History class. "I'll join you soon, Pein-sama. Kathryn wanted to sign the pair of us up for the couple or trio costumes."

Itachi lifted a brow. "What does that mean?"

"I have no idea." Konan shrugged.

I smirked a bit and latched onto Kisame as we walked to my class. He chuckled and curled an arm around my shoulders lazily, letting me see his sexy muscles unintentionally. I ogled for a bit before I registered that we had finally made it to the classroom.

I let go of Kisame to sneak behind my teacher's desk where I knew he kept a shit load of candy. I pulled open the drawer and withdrew a bag. I pulled out a handful and offered it to Tobi. "Here you go, Tobi."

He took it from me with way too much enthusiasm before he left the room with Pein and Zetsu. Kathryn pulled Deidara, Sasori, and Konan from the room a second later, rambling about how she was going to win with her kitty and fellow witch. I just laughed and found my seat, gesturing to the various other seats for my criminals to join me.

My history teacher, Mr. Nau is usually fairly late, so I was here before him. And, most of my classmates were out of the room, greeting their friends and looking at costumes of the various people in our school.

"So," Itachi began, "what exactly are we going to be doing?"

"Whatever the fuck we want to do!" Hidan announced.

I smiled. "Pretty much what he said, Itachi."

Kisame grinned. "I have a feeling we might get into trouble."

Kakuzu sighed. "Of course we will. All of our idiot partners will be on sugar highs with Kathryn and the other idiotic children in this building."

"Awe, I'm so glad you think that way of us, Kuzu!" I teased. He just pulled my morph-suit thing over my eyes with a roll of his own.

"Alice!"

I looked around to see one of my good friends Lauren dressed up as Bell from Beauty and the Beast. Now, if I didn't claim Kathryn as my best female friend, Lauren would probably take the cake. She's by far the nicest person I have ever met, she's fairly girly but not to the point where I want to puke being around her. She's extremely intelligent, and she loves sarcasm and intelligent jokes just as much as I do.

But, anyways…

She hurried over to me with her poofy dress and beamed at me. I smiled back at her. "Hey Lauren. You look pretty."

"Thanks honey." She giggled. "You look… very Alice."

I laughed. "Thanks I guess."

"It's a compliment!" She laughed. Her eyes shifted over the guys and she raised a pretty eyebrow. "Who are all of these guys?"

I smiled. "My bitches."

"Who isn't your bitch, Alice?" She asked with a smile.

"Good point." I smirked.

"Hey, crazy bitch." Hidan barked.

I glared at him. "What?"

"Who's the hot chick in yellow?" He asked.

Lauren stared at him, both amused, flattered, and confused.

I sighed. "Kakuzu." Kakuzu smirked and smacked Hidan upside the head, enticing a loud protest full of swearing. I shook my head and looked back to Lauren. "Excuse him, Lauren. He's… not very civilized."

She shrugged. "He's kinda cute."

"He may be cute, but he's a moron and he's absolutely not your type." I told her, smirking when she shrugged. "However, if you want some eye candy, I suggest looking at the mummy. He's a sweetheart and definitely your type."

Kisame laughed and waved. "Yo."

She smiled at him cheerfully. "Hi." She then bent closer to me. "Oh my goodness he's hot!"

"Told you!" I hissed back. "Take a look at Dracula." I smirked when her jaw dropped as she looked at Itachi. She gawked at me and I snickered. "He's mine though. So you can have the mummy, Frankenstein, or even the kitty who is with Kathryn at the moment."

"Alice…" Lauren said with a small laugh. "I don't know what I would do without you."

"Your life would be very dull." I told her seriously.

A scoff sounded by the door and I glared at Sasori as he started speaking. "It would be a hell of a lot less annoying though."

"Fuck you Kitten. Go choke on some yarn." I snapped.

He glared. "I'll choke you with it first."

"You don't have thumbs." I countered. "Stupid pussy."

Kathryn giggled along with Deidara who was snickering. "Alice, don't be mean to Danna." She smiled and waved at Lauren. "Hi Lauren."

"Hi sweetie!" Lauren smiled before she walked over to her seat in the far back corner of the room.

"Who's Pinky?" Kakuzu asked, nodding his head in the direction of a boy completely dressed in all pink. The only thing that wasn't pink was the gym shoe that was attached to the top of his head.

I raised my eyebrow. "Hoss… What's up with the pink and shoe?"

Hoss smirked at me. "I'm a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of a shoe."

I stared at him. "That's fucking brilliant."

"I know." He laughed. "Seth gave me the idea."

"Of course he did." I snickered.

"OH MY GOD!" Kathryn cried.

"Jashin-sama, damn it!" Hidan corrected angrily.

She waved him off. "Whatever Hidan, shut the hell up." She rushed over to Hoss, grabbed his hand and yanked him over to Kakuzu. "Jews unite!"

Hoss stared at her while I introduced my palm to my forehead. "Kathryn, you're a fucking moron."

She pouted. "I wanted Kuzu to meet someone who shares his love for money. Hoss is Jewish and he _loves_ his money."

"Besides the fact that he buys a Coke every time he passes a machine regardless of whether or not he needs it. I swear his veins have Coca-Cola in them instead of blood." I sighed.

Hoss shrugged. "I like my coke."

"The last two centimeters or so of the liquid in your coke can is backwash!" Lauren called, as she walked towards the front of the room to where some of our other classmates were.

Hoss shuddered. "So, Alice, how was your day yesterday?"

I shrugged. "Alright I suppose. Yours?"

"Okay. We need to hang out soon." He told me.

Kathryn elbowed Kisame. "Hoss totally has the hots for Alice even though half the time she just insults him and threatens him. I think he's a masochist." She snapped her fingers. "I bet he and Hidan would get along perfectly."

"No they wouldn't." I countered, looking at her. "Hoss is a pussy."

"Alice, that isn't nice." Hoss pouted.

I shrugged. "I'm not nice."

"I'll fucking say." Hidan cackled. He jumped when the bell rang. "What the fuck?"

I sighed. "Calm down you idiot and be quiet. It was just the bell. Class is going to start soon so hush." I looked at Kathryn. "Did Konan go find Pein?" She just nodded, petting Sasori.

Itachi leaned forward from the seat behind me to whisper in my ear. "What should we say if your teacher asks us who we are?"

"Just say you're with me." I shrugged. "No one will question you. The teachers all love me."

He dipped his head. "So be it."

So yeah, about when the bell rang, Mr. Nau came in. He took attendance, stared at the guys for a bit before shrugging off their presence and turning his attention to his daily paper with his Coke. He, like Hoss, was an addict.

The morning announcements came on and Mr. Nau ranted about how his classes were cut short because of the pep rally for a bit. Then, once he had finished that, he looked over all of us.

"Those of you with costumes stand up and I'll see if you can leave." He barked.

Just about everyone besides like two people stood. He paced in front of our rows before smirking at me. "Do a summersault out of here, and you can leave Alice."

I laughed. "Very well. I'll one up you and do a cartwheel."

"Fair enough." He chuckled.

"You can do a cartwheel?" Kathryn asked me.

I nodded. "Yeah. These goons showed me how." I threw my thumb over my shoulder at the guys before doing a cartwheel out of the room. I got a small applause and I peeked into the room to watch everyone else.

"Kathryn, you can go." Mr. Nau stated, throwing his thumb towards the door. "Alice! Come in here and get your strange friends."

I snickered. "Alright. Come on you guys."

My secret murderers walked out of the room with Kathryn and we walked away from the classroom to discuss what we were going to do. After much debate, we decided to go cause mischief in gym class. They were playing dodge ball.

Jashin help me.

The gym teacher was this woman who I've known since kindergarten considering she used to teach at the elementary school. So, I know her very well and she loves me to death. I like her too, I just don't like the fact that her attire consists of turtlenecks, gym shorts, tube socks and various colored sneakers. Not to mention, her inside voice is me, pissed off, with a megaphone, outside, in an open field.

In other words, she talks way too fucking loud.

"Alright!" Mrs. Rich, the gym teacher screamed. "We're playing dodge ball! I want you all to split into teams of two!" She pointed at me as I stood at the bottom of the bleachers with my idiots, watching her. "Alice! You're team captain! Brain, you're the second captain!"

Brian was a kid in my year. I've known him since I was like four and we're fairly good friends. I don't even mind his immature personality, I know him that well. However, I do know that all of his friends are extremely competitive so I smirked, knowing the Akatsuki would kick ass."

"Alright." I shrugged. "Come here Brian."

Brian jumped off the bleachers with a wild cry considering he was dressed as a panda because he's a weirdo. He stalked over to me and circled me like a predator before leaning on me, his arm on my shoulder. "Ladies first, Ally."

I glared at him for using that horrid nickname and he smirked. I crossed my arms. "Dracula, get over here."

Itachi walked smoothly over to my side. Brian called one of his friends Patrick who was dressed as Barney. I called over Kisame and he called another to his team. And so we continued.

It was split perfectly. I had the Akatsuki, Kathryn, Sethy-Poo had come over from study hall and he was on my team and so was Erika since she was Mrs. Rich's aid. Brian had nine on his team which made two teams of ten.

"Alright, Kathryn did you explain dodge ball to them?" I asked as we walked towards the wall we had to be against.

She nodded. "Yep! And they've seen the movie." She hugged Deidara. "This is going to be fun."

"You get people out by pegging them with the ball and catching it." I reminded them. "Just, don't get hit and don't let your ball get caught."

Hidan smirked. "Got it, bitch."

I snickered at the smirks all of the Akatsuki were wearing and the snickering Seth and Erika were shaking with as they pitied the opposing team.

At the sound of Mrs. Rich's whistle, the teams erupted. Kathryn, Seth, and Erika all ran to go get a ball while the Akatsuki and I remained on the wall. We waited patiently for the other team to make the first move.

And move they did.

Tyler, one of the cockiest guys I knew was dressed as a professional baseball player. He launched his ball at our team. It flew right at my face and I prepared to dodge it. I would have dodged it had Itachi not stepped calmly in front of me, snatched the ball straight out of the air before he launched it with incredible force back at Tyler.

It slammed into Tyler's stomach and probably would have popped the ball had Tyler not cushioned it a bit and went flying with it.

"Holy shit. That guy has an arm!" Patrick gawked.

I smirked and latched onto Itachi. "Thanks sexy."

"Hn." He smirked. He grabbed me and forced me to duck with him as Kisame threw a ball that smacked straight into Patrick's ass. I started laughing and high fived Kisame.

"What are these kids?" Brain asked.

I smirked and patted Kisame. "They're my bitches. And just so you know, this is their first time every playing dodge ball."

Brian gawked and threw at ball at me just for good measure. Hidan ran in front of me and caught it before throwing it back at Brian. He managed to dodge it and it cracked into the wall behind him, leaving a dent and a loud boom.

"Hidan!" I scolded. "You meant to hurt him didn't you?"

He glared at me. "Duh."

I smacked him. "Don't be an asshole you jerk. If that would have hit him, I would have slammed a butcher's knife through your skull."

Hidan pouted. "Dumb bitch."

Kakuzu smacked him. "Idiot."

"I call for a redo for team picks!" Brian called.

I crossed my arms. "Hell no."

"That isn't fair! You've got six guys with cannons and ninja skills!" He whined. He raised his eyebrow when Kathryn started laughing with Seth and Erika.

I sighed and glanced at my idiots. "Are you guys alright with splitting? Three vs. Three?"

Sasori smirked. "That could be fun."

"Alright Brian." I smiled. "You get these two and one other one."

Kisame shrugged. "I'll go with them. I kinda want to go against Itachi."

"I accept your challenge." Itachi said calmly.

Brian cheered. "Woo! You're the best Ally."

"Don't call me that!" I snapped. "Kisame!"

Kisame picked up a ball and tossed it at Brian. I smirked when it smacked into his face and knocked him off his feet. "Don't be mean to Alice."

I scurried over to Kisame before he could leave my side and I hugged him. "You're the best Kisa." I looked at Brian. "I want Tyler, Patrick, and Gabriel."

"Fair enough." Brian shrugged. "Go on guys."

The three guys I demanded ran over to my team and they got against the wall like we were supposed to. Mrs. Rich blew the whistle again. At the shrill sound, the excitable people ran forward.

"Guys, I suggest you get out of the middle of the course." I muttered, grabbing Kathryn and Tyler. "These guys get rather competitive and you will get hurt if you get hit. Just let them fight each other."

At my instructions, they moved out of the court and I motioned for Brian and the other mortals to do the same. They did and we watched the Akatsuki begin to fight.

Deidara launched a ball at Sasori but it was easily dodged. Said puppeteer then retaliated by throwing a ball at Deidara. Deidara was hit in the face and growled when he was forced to go out until Kisame caught a ball by Kakuzu.

Hidan launched a ball at Kakuzu and Itachi calmly snatched it out of the air, allowing Kakuzu and Sasori to return to the court. Sasori calmly picked up a ball before tossing the ball directly at Kisame's chest. Kisame caught it and swore when he was hit in the side of the head with a ball from Itachi. Deidara was taken out by Kakuzu who nailed him in the side.

"Team Awesome is out!" Mrs. Rich called. "Team Magical Unicorns wins!"

I pointed at Hidan. "Ha! Suck my metaphorical balls Hidan! My stoic criminals are more badass than you!"

"Don't make me come over there bitch!" Hidan snapped.

"Bring it fucker!" I barked.

Throwing the ball in his hand over his shoulder, he started marching towards me. I yelped in fear and shot out of the gym, running down the hallway just as he gave chase.

So there were Hidan and I, sprinting down various hallways of my school, both of us swearing at each other and causing a ruckus. I took a turn that he hadn't been expecting and he slammed into a wall. I took advantage of his down moment to sneak into an elevator with one of the late teachers and I pressed the button for the second floor.

"Hi." I smiled as the doors shut. "How are you?"

The French teacher stared at me. "Hello? What are you doing?"

"Running away from a psycho dressed as a zombie." I told her. I grinned as the bell rang and the elevator doors opened. I ran out of them and down the hallway, only to see Hidan run down the hallway from the steps. I skidded to a stop when he saw me.

"There you are!" He barked.

I yelled and ran the other way, towards the stairs since the elevator wouldn't be fast enough. He chased after me, fully intending on killing me.

"Help!" I cried.

And help did come.

Deidara came swinging up from the steps below and used that momentum to kick Hidan in the face. The terrorist laughed victoriously at the downed Jashinist as I latched onto his miser of a partner. "Kakuzu! Safety!"

Kakuzu chuckled. "What do we do now, Alice?"

I blinked. "Now? It's only going to be second period. I say, I take attendance, leave class, and we go scare the shit out of people."

Sasori walked up the stairs with Kathryn at his side. "Sounds like fun."

Second period was… interesting. We ran around the school, popping up in random classes and in the hallways when people walked by, scaring the shit out of them. I seriously think Kakuzu made the Spanish teacher piss herself.

Third period was full of us sitting outside on the roof because we were all hot and bored. So, we sat up on the roof, ate candy, pelted the people who ventured out of the school with candy only to hide when they looked around for the perpetrators.

Fourth period consisted of a small meeting of kids in costumes discussing a huge game of hide and seek on the school campus.

Fifth period was lunch, and that's when shit began.

* * *

><p><em>Part two will be released sometime this weekend.<em>

_It's almost done, I just need to finish it up and then edit it a bit. :)_

_I hope you guys liked it and I wish all of you a wonderful Halloween._

_XD_


	14. Halloween Part 2

_Please excuse this shittiness. It isn't that funny at all._

_I lost my muse and desire to write about a page in so I just kind of typed whatever came to mind._

_But anyways, enjoy if at all possible._

_I do not own the Akatsuki_

* * *

><p>I walked towards the lunch room with Kathryn and the Akatsuki from the gym boredly. We were met by Pein, Tobi, Konan, and Zetsu when we left the massive room. Together the twelve of us made our way to the cafeteria.<p>

"Kat go find a table large enough for all of us to sit down. I'm going to go get our food." I told her. "Kisa, will you help me?"

Kisame nodded. "Yeah."

"I will come as well." Itachi proposed. He was the one person who knew that I had prepared for a massive lunch for my abundance of criminals so he knew I was going to need some help carrying it.

I smiled at him and locked my arm with his before doing the same to Kisame. I dragged them through the lunch room to the kitchen where the lunch lady who was a family friend was waiting for me already.

"Hey Alice." She smiled at me.

"Hi Mrs. Rowe." I replied. "Thanks for keeping it in the ovens for me."

She marched over to the ovens and ripped it open. "It's not a problem sweetie. Are those two cute boys here to help you carry it?"

"They are." I nodded. I walked over to the ovens and began helping her unload about fifteen pizzas. "Here Kisa, Itachi."

Kisame walked over, grabbed five pizzas and handed them to Itachi before grabbing five of his own. I took five myself and then led my boys out of the kitchen, telling Mrs. Rowe that I loved her and promising her a wonderful Christmas present.

We carried the pizzas over to the table, well aware that we were the center of everyone's attention. We had pizza, two hot guys, one of which was huge, and this ninja outfit did not hide the size of my bust at all.

"Hey! Some of that's for me right?" A few calls came.

No. You only wish you were that cool.

Kisame, Itachi, and I finally made it to the table and we then boredly began distributing the pizzas based on the names written on the boxes. Each member had their own box as did Kathryn and myself. I had bought three extras for Sethy-Poo who was sitting with us, and the hungrier members like Hidan and Zetsu.

Plopping myself between Seth and Itachi, I sat across from Hidan and Kathryn. Seth sat beside Zetsu who was at the end of the table and said plant enthusiast was across from Kakuzu. Kisame sat next to Itachi and across from Deidara. Sasori sat beside said terrorist and Konan sat on his other side. Pein sat beside Konan and across Tobi. Our last seat was quickly occupied by empty boxes and costume parts that no one wanted to wear while they were eating.

We ate together like our typical dinners at home. That meant there was plenty of food throwing, swearing, insults, raised voices, and laughter. It was excessively fun and Sethy-Poo, being dressed as the floor of a movie theater, was adopted into our antics without question.

Usually, if someone brought this many pizzas to school, they would be hounded by other moochers trying to get a slice. We didn't have that problem because all of the guys flicked the switches to put on their "We're actually murderers and we will kill you with our ninja-tastic-badassness if you come near us. Roar" aura. Not to mention, people are scared of me because my fights usually happened during lunch.

Anyways, we ate all of the pizza and I cleaned up after my murderers before standing on the table to get everyone's attention. "Yo!"

Every fell quiet and looked in my direction.

"We're playing a massive game of hide and seek over the school campus. Upper classmen only. And from those Juniors and Seniors, only those wearing costumes that signed up last period are permitted to participate." I crossed my arms. "There will be a total of eleven seekers due to the vast amount of people that will be playing. The rest will hide. First people to be found will be the next seekers. If anyone decides to try and cheat, I'll fight you and I can guarantee that I will win."

"Who's it first?" My friend Kevin asked, standing up on his own table.

I smirked. "Me and my ten friends sitting with me are. You are not allowed to leave campus, and you cannot hide in any cars. I warn you that if you do and one of these guys finds you, that car will be totaled within a minute."

I hopped down from the table and walked to the office. I walked in, grabbed the intercom which was a phone and smiled. "You now have three minutes to hide. Shoo."

Smirking as the school erupted into movement, I left the office and walked back to the cafeteria to where the Akatsuki were standing. Kathryn had taken off with Sethy-Poo to find a hiding spot. We waited for the required three minutes before heading towards the exit of the cafeteria.

"This oughtta be good." Kisame smirked.

"Indeed indeed." I agreed. "Do whatever you'd like to find them. Don't let anyone see your abilities, though. And do not hurt anyone."

Pein sighed. "Fair enough."

"Hidan, you're with me." I told him. "Come on."

My Jashinist nodded with a grin and tossed me over his shoulder in a piggyback. "Alrighty bitch. Let's do this."

And so the game began.

**Third Person!**

Pein strolled through the hallways of the school boredly with Konan at his side. He didn't particularly care about finding any of the students Alice had asked them to find. According to Itachi, there had been about fifty five of them, including the ten Akatsuki members and Alice. If things went accordingly, each one of the seekers would find about four each.

However, knowing that, it was now a competition between his members to see which one of them could find the most. He didn't care about winning or who won and because of that, he was giving his subordinates four other students to lay claim to.

Eight if you included Konan's.

"You know why Alice is doing all this right?" Konan wondered, glancing up at him.

Pein looked down at her. "Hmm?"

"She's doing it to give them exercise and allow them to have some fun outside of her house. Also, it's to let them use the powers that have been restricted from them a bit." Konan explained. She smiled. "Not to mention, Kathryn has wanted to play hide and seek with the others since we got here."

"Yes." Pein nodded. "I remember." He glanced at Konan. "Do you want to participate then?"

Konan shook her head. "No. But I think it's amusing."

"Indeed." He agreed. "Shall we go to the roof and watch?" He offered her his arm.

She smiled at him and rolled her eyes as she took the offered gesture. "Let's."

* * *

><p>"Come out, come out where ever you are you little shits." Sasori growled under his breath as he stalked through the woods. He was determined to win, even if it meant brutally injuring one of the members or perhaps even cheating a bit.<p>

He was an S-ranked criminal after all. He was required to cheat to get what he wanted.

Smirking to himself, Sasori searched out with his chakra until he located something other than trees and grass. He flashed in the direction of the form, his smirk widening when he realized that the form had no chakra.

Glancing up the tree he arrived at, he sighed when he caught an eyeful of a blond wearing a slutty witch outfit and red panties.

"Brat." Sasori sighed, staring at Kathryn as she hid up in a tree.

Kathryn looked down and yelped. "Danna!"

"Get down here." He ordered.

She pouted. "Why?"

"You should not be above people wearing a skirt that short." Sasori growled. "Alice would beat the shit out of you if she saw this."

Kathryn blushed. "Woops…"

"Come." He urged.

Kathryn raised her eyebrow. "Catch me?"

"Sure." Sasori nodded. "You can help me find some other kids too."

"Yay!" Kathryn cheered. She dropped from the branch, giggling when Sasori caught her. She wrapped her arms around his neck happily. "Thank you Danna."

He rolled his eyes. "You're welcome." He switched his hold on her so she was on his back. "We're stopping by Alice's car to get you some pants or you're going to get sick and I don't feel like looking at your underwear."

Kathryn blushed again. "Sorry Danna."

"Hmm." Sasori hummed.

* * *

><p>"I'm going to win." Kisame said to himself as he roamed the school. He had already found three kids since they were hiding together and he was pretty confident that he was winning.<p>

"Kisame."

Kisame glanced over his shoulder to see Itachi walking into the school with a familiar brunette wearing all black with trash taped to his clothes over his shoulder. The ex Kiri-nin chuckled at seeing the Seth kid's nervous expression.

"What did you do to him, Itachi?" Kisame asked.

Itachi gently set Seth to his feet. "He was hiding in a shed and was not expecting me to come out of the shadows behind him."

"I keep forgetting you guys are ninjas." Seth said with a nervous chuckle, rubbing the back of his head.

"He tried to punch me out of fear." Itachi deadpanned.

"I said sorry like five times. Besides, you dodged it." Seth pouted.

Itachi waved off his apology. "I thought it was more amusing than insulting. You screamed like a little girl."

"I did not!" Seth protested.

Itachi stared at him. "Yes, you did." He looked at Kisame. "How are you doing so far?"

"I've already got three." Kisame told him.

"Seth was my fourth." Itachi informed him. "Apparently Alice and Hidan have already found eight total since they're together."

Kisame frowned. "Alice knows the layout of the school."

"Indeed she does." Itachi nodded. "Deidara has found only one so far, and that was a girl who basically threw herself at him in an attempt to flirt."

Kisame snickered. "How do you know all this?"

"Leader-sama and Konan are up on the roof watching the whole escapade." Itachi shrugged. "Seth, you are not going to be it. Go to the gym since that's where you are required to meet once you have been found."

Seth waved him off. "Yeah, alright. Good luck you too."

Itachi dipped his head in thanks before looking at his partner. "I should be going. I will win this."

"Doubtful, Itachi." Kisame grinned. "I'm going to win."

Itachi and Kisame sent each other challenging and playful glares before going their separate ways in search of more kids. Zetsu emerged from the ground once they left and smirked.

"**I guess they don't know do they? **They're going to be so mad when they find out. **I can't wait to see it.**" He chuckled before disappearing into the floor once again.

* * *

><p>Kakuzu's eyebrow twitched as some idiotic girl wearing a blue shirt, jeans, and a white headband that said "Smurf" on it continued to swoon over him. He had found his four people and was indifferently walking around campus just in case he passed over someone hiding. He honestly didn't care if he won; he was just humoring the challenge to enjoy the freedom.<p>

However, he did not expect that a few of Alice's… more slutty classmates would follow him around like some sort of love sick puppy. Kakuzu did not appreciate the boobs that were repeatedly rubbed against his arm, nor the girlish giggling every few seconds.

"He's so cute." The "Smurf" whispered to her friend who was dressed as a fairy.

Kakuzu rolled his eyes in irritation and continued through the woods until he heard a familiar whooping accompanied by amused laughter. He smirked, recognizing the voices of his partner and his current caretaker.

"Kakuzu!" Alice called. "Hidan, stop for a sec."

"Righto, bitch." Hidan obeyed. He jogged into view with Alice on his back. When he slowed to a stop, he set Alice down on the ground and gave his partner a smirk. "Sup asshole?"

Kakuzu gazed at his idiotic partner. "Moron." His eyes flicked to Alice. "Alice."

Alice smirked at him. "How's the hunt going?"

"I've found my quota, so I'm sort of just wandering." He rolled his eyes and threw his thumb over his shoulder. "I have a few followers."

Alice raised her eyebrow and glanced around him. Her curious expression turned into a deadpan as she recognized the fangirls stalking her miser and she looked at him. "Want me to take care of it?"

"I would be in your debt." Kakuzu sighed. "If it wasn't for orders, I'd have already taken care of them in my own way."

Hidan smirked. "Kinky. I didn't think you had it in you, bastard."

"Only you would come to that conclusion, you moron." Kakuzu sighed.

Alice shook her head. "No, that passed through my mind too, but I'm a pervert at heart. However, I know you Kakuzu so that was just an amusing thought."

"Of course it did." Kakuzu deadpanned.

"Alright." Alice said, cracking her knuckles. "Time to get to work." She walked around Kakuzu, smirking her head off. "Ladies! Let's chat, shall we?"

* * *

><p>Tobi smirked as he trailed after his senpai. Deidara was not thrilled about having gotten attacked by a random girl. And now that the Akatsuki's moron was following him, he was even unhappier.<p>

"Tobi, why don't you go follow someone else around, un?" Deidara asked.

"Because Tobi _loves_ you senpai!" Tobi explained enthusiastically. He pulled out some candy and offered it to Deidara. "See! Tobi even brought you candy!"

"I don't want any." Deidara growled. "Go bother someone else, yeah."

Tobi cocked his head to the side. "Who should Tobi bother, senpai?"

Deidara sighed. "I don't know or care, yeah."

"Does senpai not love Tobi?" Tobi asked.

"No, yeah!" Deidara snapped.

Madara smirked underneath his mask.

Tobi leapt into the air. "I knew you loved Tobi, senpai!"

Deidara glared. "I do not love you!"

"But you just told Tobi that you did!" Tobi protested. "Tobi is going to go tell _everyone_!"

"Damn it Tobi!" Deidara yelled. "I'm going to kill you! Get back here un!"

Tobi just giggled and continued skipping away from the livid blond, cheering about how he and his senpai loved each other, much to the amusement of the students hidden in the area and the Akatsuki members listening in.

Zetsu warped out of the ground as Tobi and Deidara ran by. He smirked. "**You gotta hand it to the guy. He does a really good job of winding Deidara up.** And he just improvises. It's skill."

* * *

><p>Deidara crossed his arms as he looked over the campus below him. He could feel his Danna's chakra so he looked in its direction to see said redhead standing by Alice's car with a certain tall blond dressed as a witch beside him.<p>

Smiling, Deidara jumped down from the football stadium light he was perched on before jogging towards his master and girlfriend. "Danna! Kathryn, un!"

Kathryn wheeled around and beamed at him. "Dei!"

"Brat." Sasori greeted, straightening up from the vehicle he was leaning on.

"How's the hunt going, Danna?" He wondered.

Sasori dipped his head. "Smoothly. I recently found Kathryn, however, because she isn't wearing proper clothing, I'm making her put on the pants Alice forced her to bring just in case." He gestured at Kathryn. "Her Goosebumps have lessened drastically."

Kathryn latched onto Deidara. "Yeah. Danna's a sweetheart." She kissed her terrorist's cheek. "How are you doing, Dei?'

Deidara shrugged. "Some chick basically tried to rape me, un."

Kathryn glared and her grip on Deidara tightened. She made an expression Deidara and Sasori had only ever seen on Alice. "My Dei."

"My Kathryn." Deidara smirked, kissing her cheek.

Sasori rolled his eyes but blinked when something caught his attention. "Do you guys hear Hidan laughing?"

Deidara and Kathryn went quiet and both rolled their eyes when they heard loud cackling coming from somewhere in the forest. "Yeah, (un)." They said together.

"I wonder what's going on…" Sasori mused. "Shall we? Kakuzu is nearby too."

"Yeah." Kathryn smiled. "Come on Deidara." She grabbed his hand and tugged him in the direction Sasori set off in. Deidara chuckled at her enthusiasm and scooped her up in his arms as he ran after his partner.

"Isn't Alice supposed to be with Hidan, un?" Deidara asked.

"Yeah." Sasori nodded, jogging into the area the two ninjas were in along with Alice. He blinked, realizing that there were two other girls in the area, gawking at a seriously looking Alice. Hidan stood behind her, laughing and Kakuzu occasionally snorted to hide a chuckle despite the fact that the amusement was evident in his face.

"Alice?" Kathryn called when Deidara set her down.

Alice blinked and looked around. "Oh hey guys. Sup?"

Sasori raised his eyebrows. "What did you do?"

"We were only talking." Alice shrugged. "It was just a civilized conversation."

"Civilized?" The Smurf demanded. "You call that civilized?"

Alice glanced back at her. "Compared to punching you in the mouth? Yeah, I'd consider that civilized."

Hidan cackled. "Jashin-sama I love this bitch. She's so fucking crazy."

Kakuzu smirked. "She is indeed crazy."

"What, dare I ask, caused you to want to fight these girls?" Sasori wondered, crossing his arms.

"They were annoying Kakuzu." Alice pouted. "He asked me to make them leave him alone. So I did."

"We were just talking to him." Fairy spat.

"No, you were following him around like a couple of horny groupies. No one likes that. And he," Alice gestured at Kakuzu, "is way too good for either of you. Not to mention, he's kind of my bitch."

"And here comes the full circle where she makes us possessions." Kakuzu sighed.

"Are you surprised?" Kisame's voice wondered as he entered the clearing. "It is Alice, after all." He walked up behind the feisty brunette and hugged her from behind. "Hey kiddo."

Alice smiled, her mood changing in a snap. "Hi Kisa." She smiled as a sex ninja dressed as a sexy vampire entered the clearing from behind the two girls.

"All of the hiders have been found." Itachi announced. He walked to Alice and took her hand into his own. "We should return to the school. I believe the rally thing Alice spoke of is about to begin."

Alice smirked. "This ought to be good."

**First Person Alice!**

So, after returning to the school from the woods, we figured out who won the little challenge. It turns out that Zetsu kicked all of our asses. I was scolded for making those girls cry by Itachi and then Pein when he found out.

But, before I could try and tell them that my actions were just, all students were called to the gym for the pep rally. I smirked victoriously and led my idiots to the gym, fully looking forward to it for once in my life.

This was going to be amusing.

Like any typical pep rally, this thing was previously planned and it had the usual eating contest, relay, dance off between teachers and students, teachers doing goofy shit, and some Halloween costume contest shit.

Thankfully, the costume contest was the first of the events of the rally.

The teacher in charge of the ordeal came forward, talking on the microphone. She explained the schedule and then called forth her helpers who would help her announce the winners.

"The winner of the individual costume contest was a tie between Dracula and Frankenstein's Monster!" She announced.

Itachi and Kakuzu stared at her. "What?" They said together.

"Get down there and get your shit, guys." I urged, pushing them. When neither of them made to get up to obey me, I grabbed them by their hands and got up from the bleachers to pull them onto the floor.

"Woo! Go Itachi and Kakuzu!" Kathryn cheered as the other students started clapping and cheering.

"Come on you two." I encouraged. I pulled them towards the awards table and locked my arms through both of theirs. "Don't be so shy."

"I am not shy." Kakuzu growled. "I just find this extremely pointless."

"Hn." Itachi grunted.

I smiled and kissed Itachi's cheek, pulling my ninja mask down to do so. "You're cute. It's why you won." I smirked when Kathryn cheered louder and all of my friends whistled at my actions.

They collected their awards and we returned to the bleachers to hear the next winners. We clapped politely as some senior pair dressed as Mini and Mickey Mouse won the couples contest and then the group contest was called.

"Our group costume goes to Two Witches and a kitty." The teacher called.

Kathryn bounced up, dragging Konan and Sasori with her. She ignored the whistling of the perverted guys in the school at her slutty costume as well as at Konan. I however, was tempted to go off. I didn't though because Pein gave me a look that I just sighed at.

"Fine." I pouted.

He patted the top of my head. "Good girl, Alice."

Kisame snickered at me.

"Alice!" Kathryn called as she returned to the bleachers. "Me, Danna, and Konan won!" She hugged her two partners. "We're sexy."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "At least you kept the pants on like I asked."

"I'm still cold." She admitted with a shrug.

Anyways, now that the costume contest was over, it was time to initiate stage one of what Hidan and I fondly called "Destroying the Pep, Crashing the Rally."

Hidan smirked as a pair of teachers dressed as cheerleaders skipped into the gym, cheering on the crowd. He elbowed Sasori who smirked as well and wiggled his fingers a bit.

I snickered as Sasori made the cheerleaders both fall to their faces on the floor and crash into something important, cutting off all sound and power in the gym.

"What the fuck?" Brian screamed.

I cackled. "Yes!"

"Why do I feel like I'm going to need punish all of you?" Pein asked.

"No reason." I smiled. "Hidan."

He cackled. "Hell yeah!" I felt him get up and you could hear him cackling as he ran around the gym. He did that for about two minutes while I used my ninjas who could see perfectly well in the dark to get the rest of the ordeal ready.

Just as Itachi added the finishing touches to myself, the spotlight flicked on and it was aimed directly at the twelve of us. All of us were covered in blood and Hidan had a massive scythe in his hand, cackling madly.

Everyone started screaming.

Then, the lights to the entire gym came on and all of the gym was revealed to be covered in blood and blood-like substances. The screaming only increased and I cackled along with Hidan while Pein just face-palmed.

"I think it's time we take our leave guys." I concluded as people started running from the room, still screaming.

Pein rolled his eyes and glanced at Sasori and Itachi who stood on either side of him. "Let's go."

Itachi wrapped an arm around my waist at the same time Deidara grabbed Kathryn. A second later, Sasori and Itachi threw down some smoke bombs and I felt myself being whisked away with incredible ninja speed.

Hands down, it was the best Halloween weekend of my life.

* * *

><p>The next day…<p>

"Alice…" Pein called. "Come in here."

I looked up from the oven and glanced towards the kitchen door. "Sup?"

"Come here." He repeated from the living room.

I grabbed a towel and wiped my hands off on it before walking out of the kitchen and raising my eyebrow at him. All of the Akatsuki were in the living room. Most of them look thoroughly amused.

"What?" I asked.

He pointed to the TV, looking annoyed.

I obeyed and started laughing instantly. There was a reporter standing in the bloody gym, talking to one of the teachers as people scrubbed at the blood covering the room. They were discussing the events of yesterday and who could have possibly have done all of that in a total of like two minutes. Apparently there was a search going on and they were trying to find out whose blood was used.

Too bad Hidan wasn't someone they could just find.

"That is fantastic." I smirked. "We totally have to do that again sometime soon."

Pein sighed and got to his feet. "I disagree."

I blinked. "What do you mean?"

"You all drew attention to yourselves and as such, you will suffer the consequences of you actions." Pein glared at his subordinates. "First things first, it has come to my attention that there is a building nearby with an escalator. You are about to become closely acquainted with that escalator Alice. Even if it means I have to drag you onto it."

I was already sprinting out of the room, screaming about not doing it.

Sasori smirked. "After seeing her reaction, I want to see this." He got to his feet. "I'll go get her."

I lied.

Halloween with the Akatsuki sucks so much ass.

* * *

><p><em>Poor, poor Alice.<em>

_Halloween part two. This is over. I still have... I think two or three oneshots for a few people. Once that's over, I might post other little oneshots that potentially come to mind or whatever._

_Happy Halloween dearies._


	15. Chapter 15

_One OC warning._

_Some Hidan terrorizing going on right here.  
><em>

_This particular oneshot is something I owed to _xdreamernumbuhfour_ because she has made me _**so**_ many different types of fan art._

_I basically owe this fine young lady a bit of my soul. Because... yeah._

_I do not own Naruto, nor do I own Noe, her OC._

_No misers were harmed in the making of this oneshot._

* * *

><p>Hidan, a rogue ninja from Yu, Akatsuki partner of Kakuzu, and devoted Jashinist, was a man of structure. To those who didn't know him, he appeared as spontaneous as they come. However, if one was to pay close attention to Hidan's persona and everything he involved himself in; they would see that he is a very organized and systematic sort of person.<p>

Even if that system was a little unorthodox…

Everything Hidan did was prearranged and thought out. He woke up every morning at the same time, even if it was a little bit later than was acceptable in the Akatsuki base. When he was up, he'd gather clothes and a towel before heading straight into the bathroom to get ready for a day. His showers followed the same routine of get in a cold shower, shampoo, wash out hair, apply soap, condition, wash off soap, wash out hair, get out. He then would dry off, working his way down his body before finishing up with his hair. He got dressed by putting on his lower body clothing first if he decided to wear a shirt at all.

The silver haired Jashinist then tended to his hair, brushing it with the same method he used every morning until it was in its typical style. Once he was does in the bathroom, he left to go and get himself some breakfast or lunch, whatever happened to be in the kitchen at the time.

From then, his day varied on whether or not he had a mission. If he didn't, he would lounge around the base, spend an hour or so pissing Kakuzu off, tease Deidara about being girly and Kisame about being blue. Basically, after breakfast on an off day, he had about four hours of free time to do whatever he wished around the base.

However, at three o'clock, every day regardless of where he was or what he was doing, Hidan would drop everything he was doing, venture away from the occupied portion of the base and commence with his ritual for his deity and master, Jashin-sama.

This is where Hidan's love for order and structure came from.

His day was like a ritual to his lord, the one person who never left him astray. The methodical motions of Hidan's day were in preparation for the actual ceremony he preformed religiously and adamantly every day at the same time.

Hidan loved his daily ritual.

And he hated it whenever something conflicted with it.

That is why he was often struck with the desire to kill Noé, a small brunette who was way too hyper for her own good.

Noé was a sweet girl, liked very much by the other members in Akatsuki. She was a subordinate of Kakuzu and often brought him bounties that he was too busy to obtain himself. Because of that, she was often around Hidan. And because she was often around the boisterous Jashinist, his routine was ruined and disrupted frequently.

"Hidan!" Noé cheered, running into Hidan's bedroom. She leapt up in the air and landed with a laugh, directly on top him and his mattress. "It's time to wake up sleepy head!"

Hidan's eyes snapped open when he was jumped on and he groaned under the sudden assault, mentally thanking his lord for making Noé small so she didn't cause him more pain with weight. At the thought of his god, his eyes snapped the clock on his bed and they narrowed at the time.

"You woke me up at seven in the fucking morning?" He shouted, glaring at her.

Noé blinked, sitting on top of him. She cocked her head to the side. "Yeah. I was bored and no one else was up so I thought I would wake up my best friend and he would keep me company!"

Hidan stared at her. "Get the fuck out of my bedroom."

"Hidan!" She whined, clinging to him. "Don't make me leave! No! No! Get up! It's time to get up! You can't sleep forever!"

Hidan's hand itched towards his scythe but then he remembered the very vicious, very clear warning Kakuzu had given him in regards to the hyperactive brunette. He was not to touch her unless he wanted to be ripped to pieces with no hopes of being put together again.

Hidan did not like being in pieces.

So, he dealt with the bane of his existence.

"Noé, go the fuck away. I'm tired." He snarled.

"Hidan! You sleep more than everyone!" She whined. "Up!"

He glared. "I'll kill you."

She smirked at him. "I dare you to try it!"

He swore under his breath and shoved her off of him so he could get up. He grabbed his scythe and wheeled back around to face her. However, the second he did, a pillow crashed into his face and a giggle sounded from the small girl terrorizing him.

"You can't catch me!" She teased.

Hidan's temper snapped and he darted towards her. She evaded him by running from the room and down the hall. "Get back here!"

Noé laughed happily as she fled from the enraged immortal. "Yay! Hidan's playing tag with me!"

"I'll show you tag by 'tagging' you with my fucking scythe you little heathen bitch!" Hidan roared, chasing after her. Noé led him through various hallways of the base for a time, disrupting the sleep of the other members and annoying the few who were awake.

"Kisame-san!" She greeted with a wave as she sprinted through the kitchen with Hidan hot on her tail.

Kisame chuckled. "Hey Noé. I see you woke Hidan up."

"Fuck you Blue!" Hidan shouted. He sidestepped Itachi as said Uchiha walked silently to the kitchen to join his partner. "Move it you stupid Uchiha bastard!"

Itachi stepped out of Hidan's way and stared after the shirtless man for a moment before shaking his head with a small sigh and a roll of his eyes. He walked into the kitchen and looked towards his partner. "They seem to be getting along."

Kisame snickered, watching his partner head straight for the coffee. "Yeah. If it would have been anyone else, he would have already killed them by now. I think he has a soft spot for her."

"Hn." Itachi stated, his black orbs flicking to a doorway opposite the one he entered from. "Good morning, Kakuzu."

Kakuzu grunted as he dropped himself into a chair at the table.

"You might want to keep an eye on Hidan." Kisame teased. "It looks and sounds like his relationship with Noé is developing."

Kakuzu shrugged and grabbed a mug from the table and the coffee pot Itachi offered him. "Maybe it will keep the noise level down. Plus, I won't have to hear at him bitch at me for having her around."

"I'm going to kill you!" Hidan shouted.

"You could if you could catch me!" Noé called back. "Jeez Hidan! You're so slow!"

Hidan growled with rage. "Bitch!"

"Come up with new insults!" Sasori barked from his workshop. "I'm getting sick of hearing the same word!"

"Morning Sasori-san!" Noé hailed.

"Morning." He said at a quieter volume.

Hidan obviously did not approve. "You shut the hell up you stupid wooden piece of shit! I'll come in there and sacrifice your splintery ass to Jashin-sama!"

Sasori scoffed. "Bring it on, you sad excuse for an immortal."

"Yay!" Noé called. "Insult fight!"

"Noé!" Kakuzu barked.

"What?" A reply came.

Kakuzu sighed. "Breakfast. Now."

Noé appeared in the kitchen with a sigh, looking deflated. "Yes Kakuzu-senpai." She went to the cabinets and instantly started making breakfast when Hidan walked in behind her, swearing under his breath about ornery puppets and hyperactive females.

"Hidan! Catch!"

Hidan looked up just in time to see a bag of flour thrown at his face. He grunted at the impact and dropped to the ground when it hit him straight in the head before being completely covered in the white powdery substance.

"Noé…" He growled.

Noé smiled at him. "I can't see the difference. You're still as pale as ever."

Kisame snickered.

"I ought to…" Hidan began, getting slowly to his feet and tightening his grip angrily on his scythe. He picked up the bag of flour and launched it at Noé, cackling when it hit her and covered her in the same white cloud he was in.

"I ought to kill you!" Kakuzu cried, getting to his feet. "You just wasted my money!"

Everyone in the room besides Itachi visibly paled. Itachi's Sharingan activated instead, preparing to defend himself from the miser's wrath.

"Oops." Noé whispered.

"Both of you will go to the village and get me at _least_ ten times the amount of money it cost me to buy that bag of flour!" Kakuzu ordered.

Hidan stared at Kakuzu for a minute before looking at Noé. She smirked and both of them rushed forward, wrapping Kakuzu up in a hug. Kakuzu stiffened, realizing how much money it was going to cost him to clean up the mess in the kitchen and now their clothing.

One of his hearts exploded from the very thought and Kakuzu tipped over and hit the ground with a loud thud.

Hidan and Noé stared while Kisame and Itachi exchanged a concerned look.

"That…" Hidan began, a small smile beginning to form on his face about his partner's condition.

"… Was totally awesome!" Noé finished.

Hidan grinned. "Let's do it again!"

And that was the beginning of a very new daily schedule for the loveable Jashinist.

* * *

><p><em>Chyeah.<em>

_Go and check out the artwork she's made me. Her dA name is_ ~Dreami-chwan_. I have links to some/most of the fanart she has made me. But, she also has a lot of other nice things in her gallery:) Not to mention, she's a really sweet person. So yeah, I love you dear. And thank you sooooo much for being so supportive of my stories and showing them so much love by making me fanart and continuing to read my stuff._

_I hope you enjoyed this because you didn't give me any specifics beyond "Something involving Hidan__" and a tiny description of your character being short with brown hair and a really hyperactive personality._

_See you lovelies later._


	16. Chapter 16

_Three OC warning._

_This oneshot is for _TearsOfTheFallen _because she's awesome._

_So yeah, I don't own Etsuko._

_This took me less than fifteen minutes to type up. Though, it's kind of shitty so feel free to skip over it if you want._

_I don't own Naruto either._

* * *

><p>"Sasori no Akasuna." I barked as I marched in the direction of Sasori's room. I punched open his door without knocking. "You asshole, take responsibility for your actions from last night!"<p>

I marched into the room and noticed Sasori was not alone as I had assumed he was. He was sitting at his workbench while a familiar girl sat on his bed across from him, looking at me with a slightly shocked expression. Sasori just glared at me with a deadpan expression.

"Etsuko!" I greeted, smirking at her. "It's nice to see you again. I see you came to induce vomiting by seeing Sasori."

Sasori's eyes narrowed. "I hate you so much Alice."

I smiled at him. "I love you too Loofa. Now, take responsibility."

"For what, dare I ask?" Etsuko wondered, looking a little disturbed by the sexual tone my words were taking.

I smirked. "Exactly what you're thinking."

Sasori rolled his eyes. "Are you talking about the bruise I left on your leg yesterday?"

"Yes!" I snapped, glaring at him. "It hurts like hell and Itachi's pissed off at you."

"I am not afraid of your psychotic boyfriend." Sasori sighed. "Come here so I can heal you."

"S'right, bitch." I teased, walking towards him. He placed his hand on my thigh and his hand began glowing green. I looked at Etsuko as Sasori healed me. "What are you doing here?"

She waved a folder in front of my face. "I have information for Sasori and I need a place to stay for a few days. Sasori offered me a place here."

"Kinky." I smirked. "I knew you were a dirty boy, Sasori. But I didn't think you were a whore. Does she pay for your services with information?"

Sasori stared at me. "Yes."

I snickered, utterly amused and impressed by Sasori's ability to keep a completely straight face at these times. "Well, don't let me keep you from pleasuring your guest, Loofa. I'm going to start dinner. Anything you want Etsuko?"

"Nothing in particular. Thanks." She smiled, holding back giggles about me and Sasori being idiots together. Because, well, Sasori and I could get really into it.

I saluted as I left the room. "Use protection. Sasori, not every girl likes S&M like I do. Keep the chains and sex toys in your closet or you'll scare her away."

"I'll keep that in mind." Sasori feigned disappointment.

Etsuko just laughed, hiding a blush.

**Third Person!**

"She's doesn't hold back does she?" Etsuko asked, looking at Sasori once Alice was gone.

Sasori shook his head. "No, she doesn't. But, that's why she is so entertaining." He looked at Etsuko. "Sort of like you. But, she doesn't have polite restraint like you do. That is something I admire about you since it's so rare to find that in my line of work. The only one who has it is Itachi. Everyone else either doesn't care enough, or they're too stupid to notice otherwise."

Etsuko shrugged. "I try."

"You succeed." He replied. "Thank you for this information. It's very useful. I needed to know about the dangers of this area because I have to go and restock some of the ingredients for one of my more powerful poisons." He pointed at the folder. "And that place is the only one around with those ingredients that I know of."

Etsuko smiled. "It was a pleasure. I'm glad you asked me to go there. I love the area because it gives me inspiration for drawing. Not to mention, the dango they have there is amazing."

"You'll have to tell Itachi that. He's a dango fanatic. I swear Alice has to make ten batches of it every time she makes them because once he gets started, he doesn't stop." Sasori stated. "And I'll be sure to get you some when I find the time to go there."

She laughed lightly. "Thanks. Then I'll owe you."

Sasori made a deadpan expression. "You can just repay me with your services."

"Is that a sexual invitation or do you mean my information gathering?" Etsuko asked, picking at a loose string on her coat.

Sasori smirked. "Whatever you want it to be."

They spent the next thirty minute catching up. Etsuko had been traveling the world a lot, collecting information for Sasori as well as doing random side missions and bounties for her own gain. Sasori listened with an unfamiliar interest, adding in necessary sarcastic comments on occasion as well as asking a question here and there. They joked around for a time as well, something that both enjoyed.

Sasori liked intelligent conversations and Etsuko was a good source of them. She had intelligence and wit, but she also had a bit of restraint where most of the people Sasori knew had nothing of the sort and would just go off on random tangents about the most random and potentially inappropriate topics.

Mainly just Alice…

"SASORI! QUIT FUCKING YOUR GIRLFRIEND AND LET HER COME IN HERE AND EAT!" Alice shouted. Her shout was followed by laughter that Sasori guessed belonged to Kisame, Deidara, Kathryn, and Hidan.

All of the immature idiots in the base, as Sasori referred to them as.

Or, as Alice called them: those with emotions who weren't as sexy as her weasel.

"What the fuck?" Hidan demanded. "Get some, puppet bitch!"

"Danna's got a girlfriend!" Kathryn sang.

Deidara laughed loudly. "Good job Danna, un!"

"I hate you Alice!" Sasori yelled.

"Don't get mad at me because you can't get it up!" Alice teased. "Etsuko! Come here before you get splinters in unspeakable places!"

Sasori's hand twitched and his eyes narrowed. He shook away the mental image but internally smirked at the "W.T.F." face that dominated Etsuko's expression. "I'll kill her, slowly and painfully. I don't care if Itachi gets pissed at me. She is dying."

Etsuko just smothered her slight blush with a laugh and followed the angry and secretly amused Sasori out of his bedroom as he stormed towards the kitchen, dead set on killing Alice for her nonsense.

* * *

><p><em>Alice is too perverted for her own good.<em>

_I hope you liked dearie. Though I don't know how you could  
><em>

_As far as I know... I think this is the last of the oneshots I had to do..._

_If I missed you, let me know because otherwise your name wasn't on my list that I made._

_But... yeah... next one will probably be whenever I'm bored. This may even be the last oneshot I make on this. I might end this oneshot collage and start doing new shit._

_But yeah, nothing will probably be out until I'm finished with _Man I Miss the Kitties _because I'm a lazy bitch. :)_

_Happy Thanksgiving. If you don't celebrate it, Happy Thursday._


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